Blow Me, ApplyWeb.com

Ain't it odd how inanimate objects are the focus of our most heated, demented, fierce, and malicious thoughts. But how would I look like punching the shT out of a web site?! So I needs to gets up on some new information for the application I sent in a few weeks ago. And I am not feeling the smell of this already. Hopefully, everyone I need the info from will be just as receptive (and responsive) as usually and won't simply chalk it up to my chronic, procrastinating a$$. I wonder if this monitor is insured...

How to look good on television

Classes just ended for the day at the schools adjacent to my office and I'm sitting here preparing for one of my students to swing by. Why? Because we are set to appear on a local cable-acces show called, Ready For College this Thursday. So let's just say that ole girl is a little rough around the edges. She reminds me alittle of myself with her cursing. But dammit, if I gotta tell her to watch her mouth during our Wed sessions one more time..

So anyways, we will be talking about our unique little program here where students work as technology consultants. Naturally, they don't want to hear from just me, so I'm bringing her along for the show as well. Hopefully, it will be a breeze, but just in case, lemme go ahead and print out these tips and get our scripts and pitches together so we can make our mark. Plus, we need to figure out a way to get this thing recorded. Word.

Fortified Emotions

I am the first of the last and last of the solemn
Hitherforth known as the muthafuqa who came up from the bottom

Drenched in puddles of sweat for the years of my toil
I get gassed when I make some cold-blooded b!tches veins boil

I soiled my life's plan for a whim in search of greener pastures

Although in hindsight it enraptures my mind
cuz it never really about being on the same playing field.

They say all's fair in love and war
yet i'm still adrift with just my words and my bond
never fond of fighting when there ain't shT to be fighting for
Take the highs with the lows in stride and move on

i am that neo-negro without the open-toes
yet when the valves are closed
i bare my soul infrequently
cuz I ain't gonna let you just tamper with my ticker

I suppose I could just start anew and wish upon a star
but all this next lifetime shT be getting to my head, son
Moons and flying comets by flickering in my daydreams

So, I...in turn, internalize all of the collective faults that
have hindered me in my past and get all textbook wit 'em

put 'em down on perforated pages or wherever i can fit 'em
and humble myself with the pralysis of analysis

try to take those managerial anecdotes from the working world
and assess which ones are poised to clash with my mind's view of who I am

Cuz for all of my aloffness, I guess there's really only one recourse

Maybe I should just take a dive into the deep abysss of apathy
Let life walk by and stop trying to try

Hell, my CORI showed that I caught a felony charge for callous disinterest a few years back
And got diagnosed with a case of detached nonchalance more recently

I was conflicted

Do I want shorty with the Galant?
Or the one who brought balance to my scales
Accord to my discontent
Objectivity to my ego

Because what looks like crazy on an ordinary day
Is simply me just trying to open up
I got some shT bottled up rarely seen in its raw form
My heart bleeds chameleon green
Not really crushed by burden or broken in spirit

But I can airmail blown kisses to you in the wind for days
Though it still won't do sht for me
So I'll resort to a ritual a sedated solitude
Planning the next move
Hoping I can have just one more chance
to show you i can love you how you want to be loved

Cuz I heard birds chirp louder when they know you have butterflies

And I be havin dreams of chocolate covered watermelons filled with fried chicken like pinatas

I am that timeless n!gga that swings on pendelums like vines
through mines of boobytrapped minds that are enslaved by time

Caught wind of some mild controversy over an English teacher's usage of the N word and his defense rationale. Had a few minor discussions about my thoughts on the issue. I can understand the thought process involved for him to invoke it as a quick-thinking rebuttal. But like my music, you gotta have balance. I do not think I use the word that frequently, although I do partake in slinging it like jumbos on the block every now and then; mostly on this sit though. And yes, it has a vile and toubled history. Yes, it can and has ben used as a term of endearment. Yes, it can take on a variety of meanings based on pronunciation, spelling, enunciation, and inflection. Yet, it is not the end of the world. To separate its use fom certain people does no more than censor and discriminate people ho may at times be trying to make an effot to adapt or undertsnad something foreign to them as opposed to being in that historical role of the oppressor. My opinion, right?

So whatever. But I do want you to take a listen to this piece here by Saul Williams for an alternate reality. For anyone familiar with the movie, Slam, this is the piece he performed near the movie's ending. It is both moving and profound in its subtle depth. At the time of its release, had already made a little bit of noise writing and performing locally. But yes, that is a dream long since deferred. However, my renewed interest, desire, and inspiration to write and perform again has turned a new page. I now hope to be more fully engaged in the local scene with some hands-on, bhind-the-scenes work to imulate my mind and (hopefully) get my creative juices flowing as well. We'll se about that. But nontheless, I hope to begin writing some new pieces and making some regular appearances to shake loose those cobwebs and hone my craft. But in the meantime, have an earful of Sha-Clack-Clack. And if you happen to feel it like I do, holla at the god.