What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Just trying to be mindful to not defer any of my dreams. Nor hinder the dreams of anyone else. Many things get put off until a later date, yet how often do we get the satisfaction of saying, "you know what? everything on my to-do list is complete. next!" how fly is that?

Is it ever really possible to take a break from life, put everything on hold, and just chillax for a bit? Aside from having a luxurious life where money ain't a thing, an extended sabbatical is sure to hurt those pockets. So imagine suspending your deepest desires for whatever reasons, and not ever being able to devote full attention to them because something always comes up. Sometimes, we can become so burdened with our troubles and daily grind that we fail to see the bigger picture. It happens in life, work, play, and home. Being mired in the details can tamper with your vision.

But even blind people can surf the web.

Dreams can be intangible or palpable; realistic or extreme; short-term or life-long. Yet they're all yours. Keep 'em close. Whether they be goals, accomplishments, fantasies, or plain ole make-believe land type stuff that you scribbled in a 4th grade workbook and kept as a keepsake. Cherish them. Do whatever you can to nurture them into existence. Especially if they are realistic or still captivate your imagination and bring a smile to your soul. Because you'll be liable to explode knowing you never truly gave it your best shot.
Langston ain't never lied.

Long is the road to freedom from self-destruction

Welcome to my Slaughtahouse, it's like a playpen
Welcome to my Slaughtahouse, there's no escapin
-Masta Ace, "Slaughtahouse"

Today, I felt like sharing some grin(?)-provoking musical parodies in light of some ideas that crossed my mind. Ironically, both of these cats are also well-known poets in their respective local scenes. So, on the opposite spectrum of Ms Peachez and Weird Al, these are sure to raise an eyebrow or two, but also spark some debate; somewhere. But this ain't for all ears, B. Watch your back.

Jamarhl "Uno The Prophet" Crawford - "Hustlin Remix"

Bomani "D'mite" Armah - "Read A Book"

These took me back to the days of Masta Ase and and MC Negro. Classic times. It's crazy because when I tell people that some of my favorite movies include CB4, Bulworth, Belly, and Fear of a Black Hat; I get this peculiar head tilt that says, "what rocks are you smoking?!" But some people get it I hope. It's just a weird approach I take to watching some things. Kinda like how the Boondocks is great social commentary and funny at the same time, along with a few other shows. There's a delicate line that has to be balanced. You don't wanna risk dumbing down your content, which in turn will turn off some heads because you just staight up insulted their intelligence. But on the other hand, no matter how far you stoop, there's always someone still mentally residing in a lower place. It's unfortunate, but true nonetheless. So, I'm sure someone will enjoy these, probably even more than I did.

In the end, I'm just trying to come up with ways to blend the music with the technology. Mash-ups have captured my attention for a while (here's one I created), but now I need to find some ways to really merge the two for some real projects. Find a way to somehow capture the interest in the music and business side of things with a deeper awareness and then understanding of how the technology works and the curiosity and experimentation required to break down the details; much like some artists can paint vivid pictures (visual & and in free verse) off the dome. Although I am feeling the creativity behind Lexus next generation technology.

As an aside, you wanna know what's really crazy?! I swear I caught the "Sweat of My Balls" joint that was on the CB4 soundtrack, and it's kind surreal how it does sound like recent music. There goes that life imitating art imitating life cycle again. Skeet, skeet, anyone?

Shells hit the ground and blood stained the dice game

Yellow tape barricades sidewalks where bodies lay
-GZA & Inspectah Deck, "Cold World"

Had some sleepless nights lately. Including tonight. Been trying to wrap my head around some unsettled family stuff and a conversation I had a few weeks back. Being far, far removed from all relatives has it advantages. But it also has more than its fair share of drawbacks.

I definitely do not try to please or appease everyone, but some things should never be on shaky ground. I'm real big on family. So I make sure I try and have a current phone number, email, or streets address for any and every relative of mine. And this is regardless of whether they are close with the rest of the family, which "sect" they're down with, and if they've been written off by everyone else. I try and tell people I listened to MOP for a reason. That "First Family" talk they yell out hit close to home. I just switched it up to Family First.

So anyways, there are a few cousins that I worry about on a weekly basis. At least it ain't daily. But still, there are times that I wish I had more of an visible presence in their lives so that we could talk and chill more often. I learned a lot of things the hard way. And I am still learning. But sometimes what we learn ain't necessarily even the right thing. Imagine a boxer learning the wrong stance. Or a shooting guard perfecting an awkward jumper. After hours and hours of practice, you've mastered the wrong shT. Won't that be some hard shT to un-learn? Word. Flip that to life and it's a mutha. And while I am far from a saint, there are plenty of ways where I could have benefitted from the shared presence of a few experienced souls and in turn, I could've shown them a thing or two. But for now, it'll just have to remain a lamet. Because unless I plan to uproot, having face-time of any substance just ain't happening. Unless I straight up order a kidnapping up in this piece. But then, wouldn't that just ruin the whole lesson?
Back to the drawing board, I guess.

So now, on to the tortured souls that Im not related to.

How do you maintain your sanity in a world where you have to act on behalf of the victimized when in fact your instincts compell you to mentally side with the offender? Are you less compassionate and show minimal empathy for someone knowing that the person that committed the crime was someone you used to work with before their innocence was lost. It's an odd proposition. On one hand, some muthafuqas need to get locked up. But conversely, seeing is believing, and being aware of all of the causal factors that lead to certain behaviors and lifestyless can cause somebody on the right side of the law to lose faith in the very system that has to balance the rights of good versus evil; offender versus victim; criminal versus citizen. It's a tough, tight, cramped space to be in and takes huge amount of guts and courage to stick it through. But some folks need to be on that side of the coin having been on the other side previously. Two wrongs don't make a right. But in the quest for redemption, the hope is in the healing. So, to that deer in the headlights in the cold world that is philly, keep ya head up, homie. We got you.

I would change the subject, too

A new week. A new lease on life. Well, maybe a new payment on my installment loan of life. Let me go ahead and "put something on it."

DP used an interesting and entertaining way to invoke repetition in a prepared speech at Boston Common earlier today. You can't front on crowd control and a clear message.

Hearing him took me back to the good ole days. I really should reconnect and get back down with Toastmasters. I've let that slack long enough.

I've been writing a little more as of late. Nothing great, but some promising ideas and sketches have developed in my head so maybe I'll get around to putting pen to paper one of these days and bang that out. Just some stuff that is more personal that I need to document for myself. Some will have to coincide with my next NYC trip. This may be my longest stretch of months having not visited. Definitely need to check on some people who otherwise are dead to the world unless I go hunt them down. And it's getting cold outside, so I need to holla at Amtrak, because the chinatown buses are not what's hot in the streets right now. Well, actually...

Also, I've found myself making more time for gym stuff aside from just playing ball. So that's always a good thing. But let's just say that playing 2-hand touch football is just as painful and sore-inducing than playing tackle. But my QB skills were not as on-point as they were last week. Yikes!

But I do still need to take a field trip and chill out for a little bit. And the Boogie Down Bronx does not count! Maybe Jax or the Chi. Catch a game, eat some grub, chill on the water. Yeah, that sounds about right.

The Disco fronted on me this weekend. The jury is still out on how bad it'll hurt the pockets once this week begins. But I'm saying, yo? How you gonna just randomly start tripping like that? Speaking of tripping, can someone please help RD find a job. This chick is tripping something hard. I swear she gonna have to start smoking some grass. How you gonna out-mellow me?! Some people...

Apparently, what started out as a focused post is now just a meandering rant about random idle chatter. It's almost like me talking to myself and I got a little too loud so a few people overhear me. Oh well. If you knew what I originally was going to write, you'd change the subject, too.