Thursday, June 30, 2005

Just to Get a Rep

Busy day working away and gathering my collective thoughts. I need to reach out to the DT fam for the word sof encouragement. I sent a call out in the middle of the night, but no one was online, so I deleted it from the site, but it still went to people's mailboxes. Anyways, PHH is having its previously scheduled Parent's Meeting for the Summer Trip tonight, so I need to go down there and show some extra support in case it's needed. No b-ball for me tonight. Sorry, Gabe.

"Just to Get a Rep" was a track on Gangstarr's album, Step in the Arena. Sad how a song written to address early-90s violence still rings true.
Brothers are amused by others brother's reps
But the thing they know best is where the gun is kept
'Cause in the night, you'll feel fright
And at the sight of a 4-5th, I guess you just might
Wanna do a dance or two
'Cause they could maybe bust you for self or wit a crew
No matter is you or your brother's a star
He could pop you in check without a getaway car
And some might say that he's a dummy
But sticking you and taking all of your money
It's a daily operation
He might be loose in the park or lurking at the train station
Mad brothers know his name
So he thinks he got a little fame
From the stick-up game
And while we're blaming society
He's at a party with his man
They got their eye on the gold chain
That the next man's wearing
It looks big but they ain't staring
Just thinking of a way and when to get the brother
They'll be long gone before the kid recovers
And back around the way, he'll have the chain on his neck
Claimin' respect, Just to get a rep

Ten brothers in a circle
Had the kid trapped, the one wit the hood, he said, "We'll hurt you"
If you don't run out your dues and pay
Give up the Rolex watch or you won't see another day
See, they were on the attack
And one said, "Yo, you wanna make this to a homicide rap?
Make it fast so we can be on our way
Kick in the rings and everything, ok?"
The kid was nervous and flinching
And little shorty with the 3-8, yo, he was inchin
Closer and closer, put the gun to his head
Shorty was down to catch a body instead
Money was scared so he panicked
Took off his link and his rings and ran frantic
But shorty said, "Now" pulled the trigger and stepped
It was nothing, he did it just to get a rep

I Haven't Cried in a While

In the 30 minutes since I last posted, I've become aware of some troubling news. Project Hip-Hop has lost one of its youth due to street violence. An overwhelming feeling of sadness, guilt, despair, and hostility is running rampant through my head right now as I type this. Apparently, our Executive Director sent out an email earlier today, but I just had a chance to read it tonight. I'll post just a snippet here. If there's ever a time when the words "keep ya head up", "take care", or "peace out" could ring more true, please fill me in. I don't belive I got around to mentioning it yet, but another reason for my inclination to work in the city was to be more accessible and available to participate in the extracurricular actvities that I so enjoy, which include NSBE, Project Hip-Hop, mentoring, and playing ball; among others. Well, this past weekend, I served as the driver for PHH for the pre-summer retreat. A group of about a dozen students who will be this year's partcipants in the annual PHH Summer Trip got together and bonded as a family at the Packard Manse in Stoughton. I drove three youth down on Friday, while MWH drove the big van and on Saturday I returned to drop another 3 youth off at their homes. It's not as though if I had been more involved in PHH would this tragedy been avoided, but I feel so useless right now. How can I be a part of something like PHH, ever so amorphously, yet something like this can still happen? I'm tired, I'm sleepy, but I don't want to impose on anyone by calling them in the middle of the night to simply vent over a lost soul already gone who I only met ever so briefly. The congrete jungle has consumed another of our gems. Our work is far from done.

A Gangster and a Gentleman

Not quite; but you get the point. An intriguing blend of personality, poise, passion, purpose, and pizazz. Or at least I'd like to think of myself as such. Anyways, today's snippet is from none other than Styles P of The Lox. Enjoy.
The present's what you get
And the past is what make ya future, man
I can't tell you, I ain't God or lil' Superman
No there ain't a 'S' on my chest, but it's a 'D' on my block
And it's said, in life, the deepest lesson is death
I'm determined and I'm disciplined and destined to rest
I'm a Gangsta and a Gentleman, Panero the best
When I pass I'm like gas, MFers
Cause I'm a leave a stain that you'll never forget

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Gotta Love MissVee

" I would like to think I am above whopping a$$ on a whim but I am a brooklyn girl ... and sometimes no matter how refined or grown we like to think we are the... the ghetto will show itself if needed."

classic.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Respiration

I think I've finally come up with a concept for this blog to narrow the focus. I'll clip verses that either I'm feeling, relevant to how I'm feeling, or can be applied something that ocurred that day/week, etc. A soundtrack of my life, essentially.
So much on my mind that I can't recline
Blastin holes in the night til she bled sunshine
Breathe in, inhale vapors from bright stars that shine
Breathe out, weed smoke retrace the skyline
Heard the bass ride out like an ancient mating call
I can't take it y'all, I can feel the city breathin
Chest heavin, against the flesh of the evening
Sigh before we die like the last train leaving
Respiration, by Black Star (Mos Def and Talb Kweli)

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Focused Daily

Just getting ready to go out and enjoy the sunny weather. I've been letting my WinAmp run through my library all morning and Defai's joint with Evidence (of Dilated Peoples) came on...Focused Daily. Whew....man i tell ya. Cats have talent and insight. Serious business.
Lyrics are effortless, no matter how stormy the weather gets
Those who know me like Kobe say "he's proliferate"
The gifted kid, focused like triangular pushups
Why you claim to be hard when you a buttercup?
They really rip shop with this track. You can peep the lyrics for yourself. And ho said Game brought the West back? Not I...these cats would rip him a new persona just on the strength of the ryhmes they threw in the trash. Say word.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Still Standing Strong

I think I may have been a weed-head in another life. Blazing a tree would so SO relaxing right now...Anyways, jus shouting-out my peoples, Tek and Steele, best known as the Cocoa Brovaz (or Smif N Wessun.
In days of our lives we strive to make ends meet
To search for tommorrow got us walkin' the streets
Yo I'm not sweatin' sleet, not really stressin' beef
I'm just tryin' to live, tryin' to eat
Tryin' to stay strong, tryin' not to fall
Tryin' to live to see my unborn get tall
Cause the streets of MY HOOD ain't just a walk in the park
You can get your life got in day the or the dark
It should be hot outside tomorrow. Ok, more lke BLAZING. Be careful. Keep it thorogh.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Gangsta rappers can't fight, so they rap about guns

On another note; let's take it back to my beloved hip-hop. My boys LSmoove and JoeO heard some snippets of Little Brother. JoeO said he was feeling it, but of course L was intent on hearing Common's joints. But at least I was able to explose them to something other than the norm. Because the norm is only the norm when there are no other options. Hip-hop is great music for the soul. Unfortunately, Game is getting articles now for some recent dis tracks and choice words for G-Unit. But most disengeneous (I borrwed that one so I'm citing the source here) of it all is that he claims to have been duped of some sort into coming to the truce press conference at the Schromburg. I'm usually a non-violent cat, but I felt like smacking the shT out of him for disgracing what that institution stands for by renewing the beef. And the rat costumes?! You've got to be fuqing kidding me?! Trust me people, there are good ARTISTS out there banging out some hot shT. Don't fall for the okey doke with these wack rappers getting all the attention because of their so-called hype and airplay. (Can't you just feel my frustration bubling over?) And on top of all this, I figured I'd be real civic-minded and support an around-the-way music store since I work nearby now to cop 2 albums that recently came out. Mind you, this store has some quirky operational policies, but i still felt an obligation to try 'em out again just in case. But alas, I was let down again. They didn't have Sean Price's Monkey Barz, nor did they have Buckshot and 9th Wonder's Chemistry (until I found out it got pshed back from June to july 12th). Note to self: Stop by the Virgin MegaStore tomorrow. But still try and support Funky Fresh. They carry all the latest/new albums....well most of them.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Head Game

With me, that term is usually a very off-color reference, but I figured I'd keep it clean for today. Yes, it is 3am...my prime time hour...and the head game that I'm talking about is juggling life's priorities. How do you best go about categorizing all that is important in your life into a nice and neat formula that work with TI-83's or a simple daily to-do list. I've come to realize that in the short span that the li'l shorty has been on vacation that while I long to see his smile again, I have not taken care of everything I said needed to be taken care of in the first place. For starters, I don't think I'm even through chapter one of the PMP study guide that I PURCHASED online. Yes, this is the very same POPS that graduated college (twice) without purchasing many textbooks. So now that I've caught the PM bug, I've amassed a nice little collection of great resources. Now it's time to put my eyes and head where my mouth is, and read what I preach - while also practicing it at the same time - the triple beam of life, I guess.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Introspection

Self-examination.

Not like breast exam in the shower self-exams or nothing like that, but more along the lines of evaluating where ya head is at. So anyways, you're asking yourself, 'is this cat bugging out or what?!'. Nah, b. I got my mind right. Just trying to make sure everything else is in sync as well. Trying to navigate this maze that is TechBoston is becoming much clearer that it will be a tremendously daunting task. There is a lot of work to be done to make sure I adequately cover all bases that my predecessor held down, in addition to picking up where he left off and continue to organize, ocument, and standardize a lot of our operational work much like I (ahem) tried to do at CELT much to my chagrin.

On the flip side, I see so much potential in our stakeholders, from the students, to the project managers, teachers, and TC alumni, to the TechBoston crew, and the clients, partners, and evangelists sprinkled throughout the city. I can see myself doing this type of work for a while. I plan on banging out as hard as I can during this probation period so I can prove my mettle and lad the regular gig. For the downton project, we've had 2 interview already and should have another four completed tomorrow, including a sit-down with the new CIO. So it is definitely a rewarding and simultaneously high-stakes environment. Gotta get the game face on...

And on another note; non-work related. Trying to get back to the introspection, but I guess I'll have to save that for another day. Just got a call from a high school classmate that I've kept in touch with over the years. I usually try to pride myself on the sheer # of people that I keep in touch with. I've been a bit slacking in that category lately, but it is something i need to step up. I'd be hurt to know someone missed hearing from me but was too proud to mention it. But hey, maybe they don't miss me and I just think I'm too fly, right? F-it...better to have said whattup than nothing at all. Just as if you were passing a stranger on the street. Try it for a change. And add a quick head nod in there while you're at it. ShT is real, yo.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Drowning in 2 feet of water

That's kinda like the feeling I have right now, but not exactly. Things are going very hurried here at TechBoston. It's almost like a law firm. A small team doing a lot of really impactful hings throughout the city always hustling and bustling around to handle theirs. I literally have ben all over the city and it's only Tuesday! I am far from having a true grasp on everything on which I need to stay on top, hence the drowning reference. Hopefully, I can step my organizational game up enough to keep pace and not lag behind in the race for efficiency.

Had a few issues getting into the wireless LAN today, so I had to go ahead and sit through the XP service pack 2 update....which is what I AM STILL WAITING for to complete right now. Anyways...last wek wen by fast. I toured all the key people to touch base with with Ronnie's inroductory prefaces. So now the reigns are in my hands. I must say that he's done quite a job in the short 8 months that he's been at the helm. Defnitely daunting to ill in his footsteps, but some folk think I am way qualified for the job, so I just need to make good on that perception. Wait a minute...note to self...I got this, son. Had to redirect the self-doubt that crept in there for a second.

So this week, it's off to the races. I completed my move (residential) over the weekend, returned from old employer's laptop (mental), and even got misty-eyed on sunday with the li'l shorty on the phone (emotional). Next steps....get a handle on what students have what skills and and who is currently over- and under-booked. This is in addition to the meetings that coninue to pop up, the interviews that have to take place for the CIO project, and the weekly after-school session.

Gimme a month...I should be coasting by then sans the buterflies, T-angst, and disorganized portfolio.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

The Beat Down

Damn...I am worn out. So I'll delve a li'l bit into aspects of the new job, but can I just say that I love working in the Bean. For starters, I can leave at about the same time as I usually do and still manage to arrive at my destination a good 30 minutes earlier than usual.

Second, I'm working from 2 offices. But that has it pros and cons. A big con...I have to take the T downtown because of limited parking. And why did I try to buy 2 tokens this morning and some lady gave me one, but pushed the other change back and started shouting something. So, like an idiot I'm holding up the line for the regulars (who are mumbling smart shT under their breath) and I keep saying I SAID I NEEDED TWO TOKENS! Anyways, she finally pointed to the token thingy (which was the BOX she kept referring to) and I made my way through. Somehow I end up hopping on the same car as my main man LSmoove and shot the breeze the rest of the way to the State Street stop. But that was today.

Yesterday was actually the first day. Let's just say I've thrown to the wolves immediately. Oddly enough, it is obvioous that I will be just as busy since this isn't your normal 'comfy' school district gig. But I WILL have a flexible schedule, hours, and constant change. I'm not feeling having to pay for T fare for the 2 days a week I'll have to be downtown, but I guess I'll get over it eventually. I just don't see a T Pass as being worth it just yet. I almost took a nap at 6pm! What is the world coming to?!

Let's just say I'm still getting up to speed and tomorrow will be a true crash-course to measure how many names I can remember. We start off with the weekly staff meeting - my first - and cap the day with the weekly working session where the students come in to the office.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Boot Camp

So my carer at CELT has finally come to end. The last ay went by rather smoothly. Lunch, a little get-together, and then I made my way to the airport. Ended up in Dallas and ran into a buddy while catching the shuttle the rest of the troops. My presentations went very well and they seemed to enjoy the structure and content that we covered. We'll see how fly their sites are come August! I tried to catch a earlier standby flight, but somehow it got delayed beyond my originally scheduled departure, so I just stuck with the basics. I was very delighted to discover that I in fact made in just-in-time for the start of the Boot Camp Clik jump-off and it was purely classic. Tek, Steele, Sean Price, Buckshot, and Rock (yessuh....ROCKness made an appearance) represented for al the true Timbo stompers. A great show with much energy. So now I sit here horny as hell on some slow-ass Comcast connection which is feeling much like dial-up as opposed to broadband. Somebody's on the verge of getting a strongly-worded letter about this sucky-ass shT. This browser is taking WAy too long to refresh. Light out...

Friday, June 10, 2005

T Minus a Few Hours

So today is the last day at the old job. Let's see how smoothly everything goes. Next up: the Exit Interview...

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Naked Cartwheels

I'm feeling Danyel Smith's blog, naked cartwheels. I have found a new daily affirmation for the li'l shorty. Apparently, Barry Manilow had a song named, "I Am Your Child." I'm feeling this , yo.

I am your child
Wherever you go, you take me, too.
Whatever I know, I learn from you.
Whatever I do, you taught me to do.
I am your child.
And I am your chance.
Whatever will come, will come from me.
Tomorrow is won, by winning me.
Whatever I am, you taught me to be.
I am your hope, I am your chance,
I am your child

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Love Is Love

Great quote from Cormega at thaFormula.com. Time to switch up the rotation in the whip.

Q - Do you feel that you get more respect now as an artist then when you first dropped 'The Realness'?

Cormega - I already see the power & respect that I'm getting as an artist and the shit is only growing. The Source just gave me a Quotable of the Month for 'Love Is Love.' 'Love is Love' is a song on The Testament album. When you go in the store next week and buy the Source, I got a quotable. I never got a quotable in my life. So I can't complain. I got a Source award, I got the Impact Underground Music award, the Quotable, so I can't complain. A lot of underground artists complain or got alot of animosity towards the mainstream. I don't got animosity towards the mainstream. I feel sorry for the mainstream because they like clowns. I redicule them. They sell gold, but I make more money then you from just selling 100,000. While you are just recouping at Gold. I don't got no complaints. I'm the away team coming to the home court trying to silence the crowd. I love that because everything that people have tried to say about me, I have proved them wrong. I mean I got everything that I could ever want and I thank god for it. I silenced every critic."

Monday, June 06, 2005

Fuq Chuck Phillips

You've got to be kidding me. It's three years old, but please someone tell me that this shTis a joke.

Is it just me...

...or does a Microsft executive that says the follwingthe most bone-headed thing ever?! "Lewin says there are three different kinds of relationships that Boston start-ups can have with Microsoft. ''They can know what we're doing and stay out of our way. They can be compatible with our products. Or they can compete with us,' Lewin says. ''We really like two out of those three options." Wasn't that the whole point of the fuqing anti-trust lawsuit?! Fuqing morons....

FireFox and Thunderbird users, whattup!

Things To Do

So little time, but a lot is on the mind. So we'll just go old-fashioned for now...

June 8: Brian McKinight & New Edition @ Bank of America Pavilion

June 10-11: Regina Belle @ Scullers Jazz Club

June 11: Boot Camp Clik @ Middle East

June 25: Meshell Ndegeocello @ Paradise Club

June 27: Ja Raule @ Avalon; 8PM; $23

July 13: Jill Scott, Erykah Badi, and Queen Latifah @ Bank of America Pavilion

July 14: Femi Kuti @ Paradise Club

August 11: Toni Braxton @ Foxwoods

August 13: Ludacris @ Foxwoods



Sunday, June 05, 2005

Can We Play Some Ball, Please?

So basically, last Sunday sucked. I drove all over the damn city trying to plkay ball and dudes were really lazy as shT or I missed the memo. I drove all over...from English High to Franklin Field, the Fenway, and to Mission Hill. It really was a wack day. So today is even nicer than yesterday, so let's see if cats are trying to hoop. I hung with the crew last night and they were bumping their gums like they were really down to play ball today. Let's see who punks out and who doesn't.

Big shout-out to J-Rock, who had a housewarming cookout at his new crib in Mattapan. I'm really proud of that brother. He's doing his thing. Hell, he got me all jealous and shT with his detached single fam crib. And then we went out to BRockton, from ReebokLarry's annual sword fight...I mean...house party. We rolled up in seven whips to even empty driveway, which should have been the first indication that we actually BROUGHT the party. But anyways...I digress. It was aiight in the end, so all's well that ends well.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Field Trip

It might be time for one....I'm starting to miss the li'l fuqer. Everytime I call down South and they put him on the phone, I can hear the growth in his voice. Damn this stuff is going to be harder than I thought....So maybe I'll just pick up and hop on I-95 for the July 4th weeekend. We'll see....

Today is nice and the 21 Century Black Massachusetts conference wraps up today. Last night, Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu broke sht down. After work, I wenmt to my mentee's HS graduation, and then headed over to the conference.

Today, I'll check out the rest of my conference and offer my free time to Minister Don Muhammmad. I'm feeling him. I need to be even more involved and I think he's the right guy for me to try and make an impact in a meaningful way.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Farewell Letter

This is the letter I sent via e-mail too all of my co-workers and our consultants. Damn...I miss this place already...it really has been an eye-opener.

Hello everyone,

With both sadness and joy, I would like to let you all know that I will soon be stepping away from CELT as of next Friday, June 10th. This was not an easy decision, as I am grateful for the opportunities I have been given, and leave here with a deep admiration for the fellow CELTics who I have enjoyed working with for the past 16 months. The collective spirit of teamwork and faith in educational reform has served as an inspiring eye-opener as my career evolves. I have learned a great deal about the educational technology industry and plan to apply those varied experiences in my upcoming role within the Boston Public Schools as Program Director of the TechBoston Consulting Group.

For those who are interested, here is a little background on what I will be doing:

TechBoston’s mission is to offer advanced technology courses to prepare students with high tech skills essential for success in careers and post-secondary education; to implement an academic program which teaches to and reinforces the Boston Public Schools Standards and School-To-Career Competencies; and to establish a student TechBoston Corps that will help to support technology in Boston Public Schools and in the local community. The TechBoston Consulting Group (TCG) is a computer consulting business staffed by TechBoston students from the Boston Public Schools and managed by TechBoston teachers (and myself), which was formed to give TechBoston students the opportunity to utilize classroom learning in real world business situations. TCG has two lines of business: (1) web site design and maintenance, and (2) computer support assistance for an IT department. TCG is made up of Boston Public School juniors and seniors who are active in TechBoston and the advanced technology courses. It is an intriguing opportunity which allows me to work in several areas; project management, grant writing, professional development, educational technology, business development, and also have direct interaction with students from across the district. You all have been instrumental in shaping my perspective on educational technology issues and I hope to make a career out of this field as a result.

I would like to thank all of you for the experience of having worked for CELT, which I believe is a truly outstanding organization with the most noble of goals and some of the best minds around. I wish you well in your efforts to link educational leadership and technology, and hope for the best as CELT continues to grow and provide value-added services and products to districts, states, and organizations across the country. It has been a pleasure representing CELT and I plan to continue to consider myself a CELTic for years to come.

So again, I really wanted to say thank you for the great advice, friendly conversations, and support that many of you have provided me over the past year and I hope to remain in contact to keep you updated as my life continues to evolve.

Sincerely,

Eric Esteves
Project Manager
Center for Educational Leadership & Technology

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Searching...

This is the poem I had planned to read at the Lizard Lounge last Sunday when they took too fuqing long to get the open mic going. I wrote it after I got there while I still sitting in the truck; parked on Mass Ave. So it probably needs some tewaking.

You know....sometimes...I wish
I wish I could squat the weight of the the world on my shoulders

Sometimes I wish I didn't think of corny cliches
But I am glad I'm not usually known for trying to make shit rhyme that just don't mesh

Sometimes I wish I could narrow my thoughts and focus on a single goal
But I often find that self-inflicted pigeon-holing ain't very fulfilling

Sometimes I wish that I had instead cam up during the 60s
But then again sometimes when I really think about it
I might not have made it to today
Or the 70s; for that matter

It's funny how sometimes the wants supercede trhe needs
The glory begets the greed
When all I want most is happiness and hold down my seed
Which is very distinct from holding him back
Because if I did that
I'll even admit that I'd be very fuqing wack

So sometimes I even think back to what made me write poems in the first place
A few names come to mind, in addition to an unfortunate fall from grace (RIP)
But a them pervades

How can one stay focused
Yet distracted and scattered at the same time
Sometimes I wish I had traveled through the sands of time
And sold my soul for a 401k
But somehow I don't think it would sit right in my gut
Why can't I be the squirrel out just to get a nut
Probably because i wouldn't be able to stomach it

So really this is all just an exercise in futility
Me flexing my brain cells for the first time in a while just l'il bit sans the humility

Cuz you know...Sometimes I wish I was an arrogant muthafuqa
But then again...how does one kick one's own ass?
I guess I'll have to let that one marinate as I get back into shape and into the groove of things

A few years older with a few more handles has me feeling like an elder statesmen
Disconnected from the hip - yet not yet in need of surgery to resussitate my instint nor my intellect
But still wanting desperately to flip shit

But I guess time will only tell how well I'll walk the fine line of life't tightrope

Do I go for broke?
Or for the throat of the beats?

Because no matter how much I rambl of flip-flop
The struggle for my peoples', hip-hop', and my own soul will never cease

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

FBI's No. 2 Was 'Deep Throat'

I just can't stop reading about this. It is ground-breaking and refreshing. I only hope the Felt fam can get a l'il paper out of it. And to those that are calling Mark Felt a traitor; blow it out ya ass!

It's ridiculous how many many articles I've read about this today:

On the day of his conviction in 1980, Felt spoke to reporters outside the courthouse to express his disappointment with the verdict. "I spent my entire adult life working for the government, and I always tried to do what I thought was right and what was in the best interest of this country and what would protect the safety of this country," he said.

Looking back after yesterday's revelation, that quotation may express one of the motivations that led this otherwise unlikely public servant to engage in the surreptitious actions that led to Nixon's political demise.

Know it all too well

It seems hood violence is back already and the summer has barely begun. Apparently, the Gus Macker basketball tournament scheduled for Memorial Day weekend in Grand Rapids, Michigan, has been cancelled. Recent street violence and tension in the air caused the organizers to cancel the event and prevent any trouble. I'm in a toss-up about my reaction, because on one hand I think the show should go on, for the players, spectators, families, children, and school district's athletic programs that need the fundraising money. But on the other hand, I know the sh!t all too well. When sh!t pops off, you can just feel it in the air when unresolved beef still permeates the hood. It's like some people wait til come out and stir sh!t up during public events. So I can understand the need to protect the big crowds from stray bullets and for sending a message that street violence has repurcussions, physical, recreational, and even financial.

This quote, however, did stand out to me: "There were about five to six men, wearing white T-shirts and long blue jean shorts, like a gang. They were in their 20s." My frustration lingers...