Hands steady so the lines in the mental illustration is straight

Kujichagulia - Self-Determination

To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves.

Black Star has a song called KOS on its first album that I quoted over a year ago. Every time I listen to it, it gets me motivated to look forward to a new day and give thanks every morning that i wake up. Since self-determination, kujichagulia, is the 2nd Nguzo Saba principle of Kwanzaa, I could not think of a more appropriate topic to write about. Music does have the power to change the world even if it's in small strides. There are many whose voices will never be heard. There are people who will appreciate creativity and effort no matter the weather. If you speak for yourself, others will listen. Yet, the merit they give your words is up to you.

That quick cash'll get your a$$ quick fast in houses of detention
Inner-city concentration camps where no one pays attention
or mentions the ascension of death, til nothing's left
The young, gifted and Black are sprung addicted to crack
All my people where y'all at cause, y'all ain't here
And your hero's using your mind as a canvas to paint fear
With, broad brush strokes and tales of incarceration
-Black Star, KOS

let it rain and clear it out

holiday time observations

it's fifty degrees outside and overcast. cold, but not too cold. whatever.

i like how governor-elect Patrick is holding steady on his stance that state troopers should not be immigration officers. i just read that a Dallas suburb passed law preventing landlords from renting to illegal immigrants. the lawsuit has been filed already. definitely want to see how that one turns out.

i came across this column and found it to be quite an interesting read. it is entitled, "A Locked Cabinet," and it reads almost like a synopsis of the Bush administration's shortfalls. It is truly a masterful piece of writing. And this is a powerful visual tribute to New England's fallen soldiers.

Speaking of good writing and summarization skillz, the homie droppe wrap-up as usual and it had laughing away heartily. It's really a shame he has that Canibus disease and cannot come correct with a dope album Such a pity.

it's not rapping, if you just saying the same thing twice

And speaking of saying the same thing twice, I think I may have mentioned before my dislike of that Angelina Jolie chick's upcoming stint as a black woman in a movie. She may look a little ethnic or whatever, but I just cannot stomach it. Plus, the broad is everywhere. Give me a break. No really, please. No more sausages, mom, PLEASE. This all came back to my mind lately because I finally watched Carlito's Way, which was a pretty damn good movie. However, am I the only one who is disturbed when Al Pacino is portraying the illest Spanish cats. I mean really though. And imagine the uproar of rebuttal from people who will assert that the emergence of the new crop of Black actresses are "stealing" away white women's roles? It's a can of worms I'm not really going to cover in depth right now. But like Arsenio used to say, it is something to make you hmmmmm.

But sometimess going hmmmm is therapeutic too, nahmean. Like how I left the ER last week and picked up a copy of the hospital's newsletter and noticed that none of the doctors who were pictured looked like the predominantly black and brown patients. Like how watching Dreamgirls can put you in a trance and hearing Effie sing her life's tale can bring you to cheers and tears. And how watching Eddie Party All The Time Murphy do his thing and go into James Brown mode on the same day that the godfather departed this world felt like a fitting tribute in that hushed and humbled theater.

Hope you Christmas was better than mine.

Merry Christmas

Any Given Sunday

Nowhere is where I came from

As I sat in church this morning/afternoon, something the pastor said stuck in my mind. It was something along the lines of God's word being legit and binding; having blind faith in someone who you know will not choke when confronted with adversity.

Broke many tackles but I'm trapped in myself

Immediately, I thought of the phrase, word is bond. I actually like to use the word, word, in my everyday conversation. As in, word up, oh word, say word, etc. But sometimes, it is eye-opening to think about the little things we say and do in life that have a cumulative effect on our psyche. Someone even pointed out to me how today's sermon was more generic than any given sunday. It was those life jewels that got dropped and thrown his way on the regular that mattered more than the special occasion messages.

On "Any Given Sunday" I got to play my best

The things we hear and feel cause us to speak and react in ways that are sometimes beyond our control and yet - we involuntarily allow the spirit to hit us as it sees fit. I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed with a lot of stress lately and I absolutely despise being stressed. It just doesn't fit my bones. I'm annoyed when I'm aggravated and then from there it's just a downward spiral. So I did some praying, mapped out a few resolutions in advance, and now sit here figuratively and literally cleaning up my life and throwing out a few things, dusting off a few things, and making room for a few things. However, I do wonder how much paper I will be able to throw away though. And who's to say that my winter cleaning will result in any goodwill or favor? All I know is that when all is said and done (life-wise, not this cleaning ish), I would like to be able to say that I gave it my all and put my best foot forward. Nahmean? If I can't write and cash that check, then I need to bounce, son. Word up.

Don't want to be just a commodity
-Common, Guru, Jamie Foxx, "Any Given Sunday"

Black mind intertwined like the ropes they used to hang us with

I get off the chain like Kunta Kinte with a MAC-10

Sigh. The year is coming to an end. The world is coming to an end. And so life begins.

With less than two weeks to go, I look back on a year of what was, what could have been, and what is. What the future holds is solely up to me (for the most part); because regrets beget even more regrets. And I'm still striving to live a regret-free life.

So, I'll compile my list of things I'd like to accomplish in this next calendar year that I did not have a chance to do this year. And then I'll add some new ideas and goals to the list so that I can get even more animated (yeah aiight) in my anxious anticipation of coming closer to some things that had previously seemed to be lightyears away. No really. On some fantasy-world, maybe when I'm fifty-five type ish.

Had a foolproof hustle 'til they traced the payments

Maybe I'll go back through some of my old posts and see what I have been able to complete in the short time that I have been actually keeping track of some of my personal milestones. It'll be a way for me to assess my progress and good practice for some new plans in the works. Plus, ain't nothing better than checking your pulse and hearing the thump-thump of your heart from your wrists to your calves and everywhere in between to let you know the ticker is still tiocking and the ship is ready to sail, right?

As a matter of fact, I definitely am looking forward to this week's session. Speaking of a ship being ready to sail, I have a new crop of talented and tech-savvy students who I have learned a lot from and hope to have around for a while. With each passing year, the baseline for technology skills is inching up ever farther (fortunately), yet the mindstates of some people who otherwise could be greatly helping to tap this hidden talent pool are seemingly trapped in Industrial Age, robot-fear-mongering thoughts of job outsourcing and career extinction (unfortunately). But if my kids cannot get jobs because you think they're going to take your job over, well umm....isn't that the point anyway?

It's y'all turn like Detroit Red
When he said he had an ultra perm
-The Coup f/ Black Thought, Talib Kweli, "My Favorite Mutiny"

Ain't no chimnies in the ghetto so I won't be hanging my socks

The package sto' was closed, okay my day is ruined

i'm curious why there is a need for you to steal shrimp. is there a black market?

i'm serious about eating a little more healthier. and finding a league to ball in so these cats can be consistent with their has-been-itis.

i'm ridiculously feeling Sean Price's "Cardiac" joint. and papoose's 50 shots joint. i miss CRU and BUMS and ATCQ.

i used to be puzzled that they didn't have package stores here in the Bean. the ones with the big red circles on the outside wall and no signs, text, words, etc.

i'm stil not sure why that bothered me since it don't affect me. maybe i should get drizzed off some eggnog and yac this holiday season.

i'm closed-minded and stubborn when I really shouldn't be. i'm not sure where that came from.

i can ruin my appetite by thinking of some seriously deranged shT. somehow i manage to dream up the worst and devise preparation ideas just in case. like mental insurance or some shT.

i may have to start taking sleeping pills. it's affecting my thinking in the morning. most people i need to interact with business-wise clock out by 5.

AI needs to come to the Bean pronto. i'll keep going to the games regardless of if he comes or not though. i love this game.

This is ridiculous, I'm gettin serious, I'm gettin curious
-Outkast

I seen your mom at her prom, she was the bomb

I seen my friends turn to enemies
I seen peeps turn to memories
I even seen who shot Kennedy

when pigs fly...

an even number, yet it's been an odd year

we never knowing when it's our time to go

i definitely have neither seen it all nor been through it all

although...

i seen a funeral spill out into the streets like never before and people there just because

i seen causes commodified

i seen a good dude get killed on the job

i seen a father make amends and redress past deeds, only to leave this world after spending time with those he always loved

i seen a youth worker get surprised and honored for the extra miles she goes to try and make a difference

i seen an already overworked principal asked to do more BS

i seen a star born in due time

i seen mutual acquaintances become best friends

i seen verizon playing me from afar

i seen the numbers when they were looking right

i seen good intentions become a lullaby of lies

i seen it coming (ok, not really)

i seen the day turn to night

i seen the sun set and rise right before my eyes

Seen 13 year olds split phillies
And spit nine millies
-AG, "All Eyes Seeing"

Look me in my eyes cuz ya handshake don't fool thee

shoulders up. eyes alert. head horizontal. to remember a name, repeat it after meeting someone for the first time. or just use it in a sentence. or a question. kinda like a prefix or suffix. stay grounded. take your own advice.

You was just frontin, now it ain't nuttin

be aware of your surroudings. always be prepared. keep some of your business cards on you at all times. come correct on stuff you say you're gonna do. follow-through on action items and assigned tasks. keep your composure. think before you speak. the only stupid question was the one you didn't ask. you cannot fail if you don't try. live life to the fullest.

If you got somethin to say, then cough it out
-Shyheim & Big L, "Furious Anger"

I just so happened to hear both the above song and the following bible passage twice (each) on wed. figured it probably wasn't a fluke. samuel jackson "popularized" it with his pulp fiction character, yet it is powerful by itself, although the movie version is not completely accurate. but it's mostly the voice...chills...

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

mad explosive spontaneity

who'll be the shareholder of my kinda thoughts

Bahamadia was WAY ahead of her time. It just needs to be said. I'm a fan of giving props to those ill people doing their thing while they are still here with us instead of celebrating and honoring them posthumously. And what really sucks is that the people who were already kinda famous are the ones who get more "publicity" when they die. I'm not saying it's a conspiracy or nothing, but it just strikes me as odd that some folks will never get their just due. So this is my way of recognizing those who've impacted me in some way. This just came to me, so now I gotta do some thinking. More to come.

Technology for the sake of technology

I used to really like that one skit on the Chappelle Show called, "When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong." It brought to the surface the absurdity of doing some things "just because" it seemed like the "sensible" thing to do. Not.

There are plenty of times where I like to consider myself an early adopter. I'm usually pretty quick to pick up on some new technology. I like testing somehitng out to see how it works and if it enhances my life in any way.

Let me think back; I had a beeper (or sky pager for Tribe fans) about a decade ago in high school. Oh the times. I remeber having a cell phone in 1998 and using it call home most of the time because everybody and their moms didn't have one at the time. Back in 1999 and 2000, I had this digital camera that used to get mad laughs for its enormity, yet heads was still hitting up the drug store or ritz camera for processing. Sheeeettttt, I even had one of the APS fils cameras right before the digital joints broke loose. About two years ago, I had a PDA phone that was a little on the boxy side, yet the buttons were perfect for my thumb.

You see, I was playing Quake using virtual reality back when all these current Halo and Gears of War cats were sucking their thumbs rocking out to the first PlayStation. So whatever. Technology is dope. Being an early adopter has its excitement. But don't get it twisted. Some technology really just kills brain cells.

For instance, this new electronic CharlieCard bullshT the MBTA has going on. I'm saying, son...you mean I have to pay more for the T if I need to ride it once a month if I don't have a card? And I have to keep the card for three years? What is this ridiculousness?! You're telling me I need to "tap" it to put money on it and "tap out" or whatever the hell to get through the turnstile? Or will the turnstile now become a magnetic forcefiled that "gently buzzes" me if I don't pay my fare?

I recall the many nights I used to spend in Kinko's back in the day during the design times and how simple life was. You need to make a copy. Put a dime in the machine. Copies? Gimme two quarters. That was; until the did the dumb shT and got all techie on me. All of a sudden, I had to add a step to the process by getting a card, then putting money on it, and then using it to handle my business. Yeah, it might sound simple. But really though. It'd make sense for it to be a one-time inconvenience if it were really that simple and I actually returned witht the card the next time I came. Yeah; aiight. Same shT every time. After a while, it was time to find a new spot.

Same with this techie hype. Some folks are out here with all the acronym gadgets not knowing nothing 'bout nothing. Just straight blind geeking it. Making us nerds look bad and shT. That's just completely uncalled for. Lemme stick to doing my techie thing and when the joint is ready for you to walk it out, I'll holla.

Or maybe i'm just acting simple because I got a newer phone today and being in that store made me realize how much they are jacking up prices nowadays for some straight bullshT. But hey, all those brand-new early adopters are willing to pay the price to be early. All this buzz over iPod minis, HD TVs, DVRs; I'm all set, dunny.

So here's a toast to the ill new technology that makes me go, niiice in my part-time patois, chucktown twang. MP3 PLayers. Serato. USB Drives. Pandora's Box. YouTube. Dual processors. Word.

We all wandering men with lost spirits

And I know my sins won't get me to the promised land
And for eternal life my chances ain't promising
But I'm gonna find a way to shake these sinner heathens
And take these inner demons out my life, I promise man
-Little Brother, "Sinners"

it's a wonder what life events remain forever etched in your memory and those that gradually fade.

my family (all cliques) is pretty fond of having large gathering to celebrate whatever holiday, birthday, graduation, or anniversary just so happens to coincide with food being on the stove.

take last week for example. yet another wonderful thanksgiving holiday where we broke bread, dapped each other up with firm pounds, and sang and danced and enjoyed the night with our peoples. my peoples. (shoulder lean)

and it's hard to distinguish any one instance when i've been told to be careful before heading out on the road. or before yet another long road trip on these east coast highways. i'm always down for some driving. i like being my own captain and in control of my voyage. in control of my own destiny, i guess. (shoulder shrug)

You think you know what's coming? You don't have a clue.

about a dozen of us rolled out last Friday to the movie to see Denzel's latest blockbuster, Deja Vu. I hadn't even paid much attention to any previews or reviews of it until that very day. Yet, it's premise did intrigue me. And i am glad that i went. Because not only was it a very good movie, but it is sticking in the back of my brain like one of those old-school theater marquees with the flashing bulbs.

There are people that religiously read newspaper obituaries. I am twisted in debating back and forth not only who should write mine, but what it should say. Naturally, that will all be determined by what I do with my life whether it is of substance or not. Regardless, there are people who will (hopefully) mourn my departure and wish that I were still there. And for all of my years, it's a maddeningly eerie feeling to one week be writing about hugging your family members tighter and longer than before and then then the next week knowing they won't be around to break bread with you the following year.

One of my homegirls, T da G, wrote something a while back about how some people say Peace, but don't really mean it. It made me value the word and phrase much more than I had previously. So now when I do invoke it, it is with specific intent and purpose.

And now, instead of casually shrugging off someone's conversation-ending quip to call them when I get home to let 'em know I'm alive and well; I'll have to be mindful that I'll never truly know when it's my time to go. So I'll drive carefully and call when I get home just because it's that long-distance hug in lieu of the tight embraces that we seek out for solace. There's no telling when one hug may be the last hug.

Reast in Peace, Uncle Kenny.

yo momma got control over you, boy

those were the words of the six-year-old to the three-year-old.

after the three-fer had shouted, "get yo hands off my momma's car!"

...to which the six-er chimed, "you ain't got no control over yo momma's car!"

i was perched on the front stoop just chilling out as the sunset began to invade the horizon and round 2 was a-knocking on my stomach's chamber door. and that brief exchange of innocence put the biggest grin on my face that day. Made the whole trip worth it with just that one moment in time when all was still, the boys were being boys, and be easy was how we was being.

It was a calm Thanksgiving this year. One marked with smiling faces, strong-gripped daps, warm hugs, and food out the ying-yang, son.

After getting back home, I just so happened to come across this article on happiness and the recent research and techniques involved in putting a smile on more people's faces. I, for one, will neither claim to be a bubbly ear-to-ear grin-mesiter not will I front like I'm always in a bad mood and life is simply ok every day. We all take our lumps, bumps, and bruises with subdued resistance and surreal resilience. It's the bouncing back that reveals your true happiness.

So anyways, I bounced back this year fairly satisfied at the progress made this Thanksgiving as i tried to commit to interacting more with those I had not had a chance to really ctahc up with in a while. And although prying into another person's life isn't the cakewalk it may seem to be after a few slices of pecan pie and Grey Goose, it sure beats a blind date who's gets geeked off some throwback Eagles.

They gonna bug us, we save the lives of the young among us

Where I'm from we don't be talking loud, that's cause we walking proud
More black rain falling from the clouds soon as I saw the crowd
- Hi-Tek & Talib Kweli, "Time Is Now"

trying to make the most of a slight cough and hunger anxiety. the food rations are piling up and it's almost time to let the beast out of the bag.

And your boy still got that hunger, you gotta love us

the fam always remarks how big the midget gets every reappearance. so this time, i had to warn them to not curse him. you see, my pops is a big dude. as in some size fifteens, know-what-I-mean? and all throughout my childhood, i kept hearing that i had some check-up as a kid and the doctor said i was going to grow up to be at least 6'4".

yeah. um. that shT didn't happen. so now, i get wary of trying to predict stuff. i'd rather let the chips fall where they may and let life run its course. You could have no history of high blood pressure in your family, yet take an L to the heart in the blink of an eye. We live and we learn and family always comes first.

So on this Thanksgiving...

I'll say a prayer for my cousin's father-in-law and hope for a speedy recovery so they can have a good time in the Boogie Down. And I won't hold it against her that she fell asleep on me and left me hanging.

I'll pray that Onion is well and out of trouble and hopefully will eventually leave those QU park benches to get out of the cycle he's been living for the last decade.

I'll relish in spending time with my many grandmothers and cherish another year we are fourtunate to have the youngest elderly women ever still shopping and hopping all over the place having just as much fun as ever.

I'll hug tighter and longer than in years past because home is where the heart is and chicken wings are good for the soul.

I'll laugh heartily and joke mightily to escape from overhanging anxieties and relax at ease in the warmth of love and good cheer.

I'll sit back with a smile and watch as the little bit of sweat I put in the last few years finally comes to life because someone called a meeting and heads are rumored to show up.

I'll remember that this holiday cannot pass without an acknowledgement of the immigrant imperialism (before it was either) for which lives were lost and land was taken.

I'll visit the old neighborhoods, pour a little juice out to celebrate the lives of those not here, and go back in time - albeit briefly - to a place where it was all so simple and yet just as complicated as well.

I'll catch up with old friends and reflect on the time that has passed and the milestones that need to be shared.

I'll break bread with cousins and catch up on life's quirks and the meandering paths we've taken to get where we are; while collectively dreaming big for what lay ahead.

Airwaves disaster-ridden, we wear masks for a living

Lets hit the streets
Catch bullets with our teeth
Get the kitten out the tree
Bring evil to its knees
Clean its mouth out with bleach and send it on its way
Bring the children a better day

Aas my carib crew would say, some interesting tings a gwan deh. case in point, this Where Does Courage Come From article and this quick interview of Henry Louis Gates about his new annotated version of Uncle Tom's Cabin. coincidentally, joseph mccarthy, condoleeza rice, leopold mozart, and claude monet all share a birthday today. had me thinking about leadership and selling out and the inherent parallels and paradox that come with both. plus, i've been seeing more and more people who talk about giving up on hip-hop, which troubles me. and no, i'm not trying to make excuses, because there are plenty of ignant muthafuqas out there making some wack shT, but to just give up on the whole genre? had some discussions the past week and tonight in particular about some tangible ideas to connect the culture more intimately with the social change work being done. youth voice is very central to the puzzle, but so is an open willingness on both ends to passionately convey opinions and argue talking points, yet do it in a productively tasteful way the keep business as it should be and puts the ball in motion as opposed to talking heads, usurped credibility, insulted sensibilities, and wack photo-ops. so the notion of how leadership, selling out, sensationalism, scare tactics, artisitic freedom, and estranged realities all fit in the puzzle somehow i guess. i just hope it doesn't rain on thursday.

Now day in day out
We fought continuous bouts
At every corner of the world where we heard evil shout
Hearts filled with courage bank accounts full of doubt
We gotta find a way to make it all balance out
-Murs & Slug, "The Two"

If we ain't getting mathematics something got to give

slow learners'll understand in due time

sudoku is the shT. i bet one of the students this summer that i'd have more squares completed than he by the time we exited the subway downtown, which was a good six stops away. let just say i was done before we hit chinatown. i like the craze and how much it's taken off since i first started playing. like life, and organized and messy numbers game of chance and trial-and-error. go figure.

hesitate or regulate, it's on you.

I can remember how I used to love playing logic games in the 4th and 5th grade. There was a program called SAIL and we used to leave class (I think) and go work on special stuff (or something like that). Apparently, my memory is vague with it, but somehow I remember there was one story about Harlan Sanders - yeah the colonel - but I cannot seem to find it. oh well. i'll keep digging.

I'm headstrong, at peace with myself like Islam
-Mobb Deep, "Still Shinin"

in other news: chicken is good, i had a so-so weekend, and i think bill richardson would be an ill president. word.

What you don't know will make your home a permanent urn

The game ain't changed.
It just got harder.
-MOP & Jay-Z, "You Don't Know Remix"

How do you distinguish the dream from the daily grind? My man DL has this one joint of his called Mirror, which is just a straight-up dope song (and video, too). Sometimes, we all have to go in the bathroom and splash some water on our face and do that whole look-in-the-sink and slowly raise-your-head-while-staring-intensely at the mirror thing.

It's soothing, refreshing, and reassuring. You're just checking to make sure everything is still in its place, yet you also want to make sure it's still real. Whether you had a rollercoaster day, a great night, or one rough-a$ week; you look in that mirror for redemption, companionship, and solace. Instead of pinching, you gaze at your own eyes just so you can refamiliarize yourself with - yourself. You know the pain, the passion, the goals, the sights, the sounds, the fear, the elation, the sorrow, and the awe that those eyes have witnessed. Yet, you feel compelled to do these self-imposed reality checks to make sure all the bell and whistles still function and the dome is still straight. You're compelled when depressed or inspired; axious or fearful; calm or nervous.

You listened to Governor Patrick's election acceptance speech and felt a immense sense of pride and urgency. Pride because he represented; no explanation necessary. Urgency because although he is a brother, shT ain't gonna be sweet. Some things will still be fuqed up in this town, this county, this state, and this country. And come hell or high water, you know he will probably have it hardest because he is a Black man. Yet, for that very same reason, you know the inherent symbolism has already done more for little kids who look like you and came up in similar circumstances than anything you could ever dream of.

And for those reasons, you are inspired to do more. To do more for others. To do more for self. To take those traits that you do and do not love about yourself - and even the ones that others admire or loathe - and commit to working on them. Step by step. Because in the end, it'll help you to grow and mature and to become a better person. Because you're supposed to. Because some people - unbeknownst to you - may be looking up to you and won't tell you until years later. Because you took that jungle music and made it move you. Because you dudes is noodles and I got more ziti to bake.

yo, bumrush the show

wow

You are every Black man, woman and child in Massachusetts and America, and every other striver of every race and kind, who is reminded tonight that the American Dream is for you, too.

had me all shook up. i am not in shock, but it definitely is a marvel. and such a great thing to be a part just on the strength of casting a single vote.

Whisper in your ear and get you all shook up

When it's all over put your vote in my ballot
It's my diner, I'm Mel, and you're Alice
-Li'l Cease, Li'l Kim, & BIG, "Crush On You"

um. word. so today is election day. well technically tomorrow, although it is already after midnight so today. yeah, i need to call it a night.

whatever. you know the drill. go vote dammit.

i love the wheredoivotema.com site. i've been using it since it first came out several years ago. it's dope because you basically get to preview the ballot so you can do all of your own unfiltered research. had an interesting conversation tonight because i still do not know what Liz Malia looks like.

so anyways, on the ballot tomorrow are a host of races and questions. it's a pretty full ballot. i'll have to vote for us senator, attorney general, secretary of state, state treasurer, state auditor, us rep, state councilor (what the hell is that?), state senator, state rep, district attorney, a couple of clerks, a register of deeds, and the three ballot questions. oh yeah, and that whole governorship thingie too.

speaking of the ballot questions. i am not in favor of adding to the number of stores that sell wine. yeah yeah yeah. i don't drink so it doesn't matter. but like my man alow said, there's enough liquor stores in the hood. can't argue with that. as for child care providers being able to organize into unions, there is a part of me that empathizes with the low wages that some in the field make. but the other part of me is not comfortbale knowing that it would in essence increase the cost of child care overall, which would hurt working families' pockets and also may have the unintended effect of putting a lot of small, home and family child care providers out of business just on the strength of the union dues being unaffordable. might be twisted logic, but i ain't feeling it. and on to the questions about allowing a candidate being able to be sponsored by more than one party...i'm all for it. sure, it might be confusing and some folks operate best when there are less options. but let's face it, the 2-party system ain't always going to cut it. plus, i learned some new things today about some of this state's democrats that i'll have to research on my own to confirm. but let's just say they might not be democrats if they were in some other states.

so yeah...go vote dammit.

in other news...

ward connerly is buggin, yo. i understand your got this thing against affirmative action and all. but you just gonna be down with the kkk on the strength of an endorsement. let's get it together, son. some people...

slang is slang. but the "go in brothers"?
the line must be drawn. some people...

you learn something new every day...
can you spot a fake smile.

and lastly, seeing the trailer for the documentary, The Bridge, makes me really want to see it. for some odd reason, it is an interesting study into the seeming calmness with which some people choose to end their lives. i am not fond of death, yet there's something about this movie that intrigues me. plus, i lapsed in brain cells (well memory cells) and did not write a review or re-cap about neither the movie nor the play that i saw in the past two weeks. and both of them were pretty good save for the jacked-up accents and seinfeld-esque jokes.

I threw tools to you even to subdue your own DNA

"Mama spoiled me, the neighborhood express loyalty"

A complete brain block is the state of mind that i'm trapped in. so, i'll keep this Jaz-O track on repeat and lounge for a few until something comes to me. I need a writer life-line. Where's Regis?

Hit up the Deval Patrick rally on Friday where he brought in fellow Chi native Barack Obama. Both speeches were pretty good. My favorite part was when he said something like, "I've stopped listening to the experts. I've always wondered what exactly qualified some of those political pundits on television as the de facto experts in their field. It's like they randomly just appear and are supposedly super-informed on every issue and strategic implication of even the slightest misstep on a candidate's part. But whatever. Patrick has got the governor's gig on lock. It's a wrap for Kerry Healey.

Did some other stuff this weekend as well. Hit up two conferences, an outdoor festival, and church. Tried to keep some balance, stay grounded, and have some fun as well. Turned out to be a decent weekend. Ain't mad at that. Hoepfully, it'll only spell good things for this coming week. Mad stuff to follow-up on the workfront. Mad students to get in touch with to shore up some plans. And the inevitables headaches have already started to arrive as holiday travel season draws nearer. I need to go ahead and hit the lottery and call it a day.

Gain the whole world for the price of your soul

It's funny how money change a situation

lemme go ahead and get this off my chest real quick before I forget.

KANYE WEST is a punk-a$$ b!tch.

Don't go fronting like you really representing and then come out your a$ like a little punk a$ b!tch. and THEN try to pop ish because you had the dough to do what you wnated to do, yet you still didn't get over so now you wanna whine about it. arrogant muthafuqas make me mad. and i don't fuqing like being mad.

Now even when you're gone you can still be reborn
And, from the night can arrive the sweet dawn
Now, some might listen and some might shun
And some may think that they've reached perfection
If you look closely you'll see what you've become
Cause you might win some but you just lost one

First of all, i wasn't had to become lost. Secondly, the Justice vs Simian video was pretty ill. It had me rolling. Thirdly, is this not the same dude who had everybody on his nuts became he "spoke up" about katrina. And make references akin to the tune of him being one of the only peopl in hip-hop who speaks from his soul and has a message? Give me a muthafuqing break, B. It ain't about you, homie!

I think I could possibly be overreacting, but this is just ridiculous. Man the fuq up. Come real with it. If you're really a b!tch, then be that. But if you gonna front like you for the world, then just be clear with it; your fronting, that is. Cuz we been seen through that shT, son.

And lastly, the dude is an entertainer. Just a new-age reincarnation of Puffy. I don't do that new nickname shT. Stick to the basics. Two wack rappers with more ghostwriters than balls of their own to clutch.

But remember not a game new under the sun
Everything you did has already been done
I know all the tricks from Bricks to Kingston
My ting done made your kingdom wan' run
-Lauryn Hill, "Lost One"

this is a link to watch the dumb shT in all its glory

My life story strictly business never blew my chance

A unique sound from the streets and it's just so sweet
My Livin' Proof life story, let me break it in PEACE
-Group Home, "Living Proof"

I sit alone in my four-cornered room staring at candles

had some time to go through my papers, gather my thoughts, and think about some extra shT.

pensive. yeah, that's about right. just call me Pensive Pops today because that's the mood I'm in. and the meditative meaning as a matter of fact.

so anyways, why do i feel overworked yet bored? it's such an awkward feeling to have. like when you are mad hungry to the point that you forget about food and start getting delirious because of your deprivation.

i have a lot of stuff that i need to go ahead and throw away. get some of this clutter out of my periphery. papers, magazines, and some other assorted and random-a$$ shT that should take an L.

plus, i've been doing too much thinking about travel, yet not enough doing. so i need to hop my a$$ on the highway and make some moves. not too mention, the last two months of the year are upon us. So, i need to seriously revisit the goals and "plan" i laid out at the outset and assess what i have accomplished and what remains to be addressed, tackled, conquered, reworked, or forgot about altogether.

only then can i make room for some other ideas, goals, and fresh blood to encircle my membranes in preparation to breath the air of a new, blue skiy that awaits...god willing. nahmean.

and yes, the geto boys were the shT!

most of my heroes don't appear on no stamps

i wonder what it'll take to recreate public enemy's "fight the power" video? there are many events that mark specific defining moments in one's life. that video really meant a lot to me. it brought light to feelings and thoughts i had held about the world as i knew it at that point. and as comfortable as i am giving speeches, i am equally uncomfortable. i enjoy being calm as much as possible, because it helps me to collect my thoughts. some folks and even family don't take to well to such nonchalance. it's unfortunate when they take it personal, but oh well. yet i think it was this video that caused some nerve ending to flip out, causing any words that flow from my lips that have a specal meaning or connection to my life's story behind it, i get a little choked up. i can't even describe it, but it's a weird semi-tear-jerker type of voice-over that i never have full control of. Ask any of the 1000+ heads who were in Anaheim in 2003. no control whatsoever. it is what it is.

for anyone from the other 49 states, hearing that I'm from South Carolina usually is marked with an explicit indication of surprise, as though I should have either been lynched already or that it was remarkable that I spoke proper English and knew how to count (yes, count, not even calculus, son.)

but anyways. i can recall being a child and straddling the fence of love versus hate. fear and fate. looking grim circumstances in the eye, yet seeing the (cliched by now because i overuse it) beauty in the hideous. I'll readily admit that there are some things that a child should not be exposed to and so I hope I can shelter the midget as much as I can, without giving him a false reality of what the real-world really entails.

but i am proud of some of the stances i took as a little boy in light of what was going on then to which I've managed to hold on steadastly to this day. i can even recall the demands i made of my father one particular summer that he HAD to take me to the midtown Manhattan offices of the African National Congress. just because. And all the medallions and t-shirts I used to collect on Fulton and Broadway in BK. And now, many moons and movements later, I pray the midget makes similar demands of me.

so the next poem i write will read like a will. or maybe it'll be more like an epilogue. to bring closure to where i am as a person up to this point and a starting ground from here on out.

it's a long way to go when you don't know where you're going
you don't know where you're going when you're lost

fuq it. i'll make my own directions

on my spchrist ish

bringing back that low-end blogger ish. because i am apparently a little too amused by these. oh well. let's start with this roc-a-scene that got posted a while back but i overlooked until randomly checking today. and then let's hit up these videos. for the life of me, i cannot fathom why the new Crooklyn Dodgers 3 joint does not have kweli or papoose or really anybody, just not bleek. but oh well. mos def & jean grae hold things down as always.










it's all love, Gary Payton!

enough already, get over it.

with the red sox done for the year and the Patriots just coasting along without too much excitement in the backfield, it was only natural for the boston media to feast upon the Celtics as the NBA season gets ready to jumpoff. But really though. For one, there are few things I hate. Among them are sports articles about that don't actually talk about sports. You know, the one where it reads more like a crime log or police blotter as opposed to a game preview or recap. If the dude told you what he did, can we just leave it at that. I mean seriously, there are enough athletes (and coaches) out there that are wilding out, riding dirty, and just doing some plain ole dumb shT. But son gets robbed, and you wanna say let's hope he did what he said he did. Burn him at the stake, why don't you?! He's not even the bad guy on the team. Holla at Tony Allen for that.

speaking of crying wolf, the new police commissioer was quoted as saying prevention is the top priority. methinks we may have found someone with a bit of common sense up in this piece, which will be a good thing hopefully. i still think paul joyce would have been a good choice, because brinigng in an outsider does have its drawbacks. especially someon from a town and force much smaller than ours. but the truth is in the pudding. as long as he can be a stron leader with a thoughfully articulated vision and plan of action to achieve goals and prevent crime, then i'm all for it.

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Just trying to be mindful to not defer any of my dreams. Nor hinder the dreams of anyone else. Many things get put off until a later date, yet how often do we get the satisfaction of saying, "you know what? everything on my to-do list is complete. next!" how fly is that?

Is it ever really possible to take a break from life, put everything on hold, and just chillax for a bit? Aside from having a luxurious life where money ain't a thing, an extended sabbatical is sure to hurt those pockets. So imagine suspending your deepest desires for whatever reasons, and not ever being able to devote full attention to them because something always comes up. Sometimes, we can become so burdened with our troubles and daily grind that we fail to see the bigger picture. It happens in life, work, play, and home. Being mired in the details can tamper with your vision.

But even blind people can surf the web.

Dreams can be intangible or palpable; realistic or extreme; short-term or life-long. Yet they're all yours. Keep 'em close. Whether they be goals, accomplishments, fantasies, or plain ole make-believe land type stuff that you scribbled in a 4th grade workbook and kept as a keepsake. Cherish them. Do whatever you can to nurture them into existence. Especially if they are realistic or still captivate your imagination and bring a smile to your soul. Because you'll be liable to explode knowing you never truly gave it your best shot.
Langston ain't never lied.

Long is the road to freedom from self-destruction

Welcome to my Slaughtahouse, it's like a playpen
Welcome to my Slaughtahouse, there's no escapin
-Masta Ace, "Slaughtahouse"

Today, I felt like sharing some grin(?)-provoking musical parodies in light of some ideas that crossed my mind. Ironically, both of these cats are also well-known poets in their respective local scenes. So, on the opposite spectrum of Ms Peachez and Weird Al, these are sure to raise an eyebrow or two, but also spark some debate; somewhere. But this ain't for all ears, B. Watch your back.

Jamarhl "Uno The Prophet" Crawford - "Hustlin Remix"

Bomani "D'mite" Armah - "Read A Book"

These took me back to the days of Masta Ase and and MC Negro. Classic times. It's crazy because when I tell people that some of my favorite movies include CB4, Bulworth, Belly, and Fear of a Black Hat; I get this peculiar head tilt that says, "what rocks are you smoking?!" But some people get it I hope. It's just a weird approach I take to watching some things. Kinda like how the Boondocks is great social commentary and funny at the same time, along with a few other shows. There's a delicate line that has to be balanced. You don't wanna risk dumbing down your content, which in turn will turn off some heads because you just staight up insulted their intelligence. But on the other hand, no matter how far you stoop, there's always someone still mentally residing in a lower place. It's unfortunate, but true nonetheless. So, I'm sure someone will enjoy these, probably even more than I did.

In the end, I'm just trying to come up with ways to blend the music with the technology. Mash-ups have captured my attention for a while (here's one I created), but now I need to find some ways to really merge the two for some real projects. Find a way to somehow capture the interest in the music and business side of things with a deeper awareness and then understanding of how the technology works and the curiosity and experimentation required to break down the details; much like some artists can paint vivid pictures (visual & and in free verse) off the dome. Although I am feeling the creativity behind Lexus next generation technology.

As an aside, you wanna know what's really crazy?! I swear I caught the "Sweat of My Balls" joint that was on the CB4 soundtrack, and it's kind surreal how it does sound like recent music. There goes that life imitating art imitating life cycle again. Skeet, skeet, anyone?

Shells hit the ground and blood stained the dice game

Yellow tape barricades sidewalks where bodies lay
-GZA & Inspectah Deck, "Cold World"

Had some sleepless nights lately. Including tonight. Been trying to wrap my head around some unsettled family stuff and a conversation I had a few weeks back. Being far, far removed from all relatives has it advantages. But it also has more than its fair share of drawbacks.

I definitely do not try to please or appease everyone, but some things should never be on shaky ground. I'm real big on family. So I make sure I try and have a current phone number, email, or streets address for any and every relative of mine. And this is regardless of whether they are close with the rest of the family, which "sect" they're down with, and if they've been written off by everyone else. I try and tell people I listened to MOP for a reason. That "First Family" talk they yell out hit close to home. I just switched it up to Family First.

So anyways, there are a few cousins that I worry about on a weekly basis. At least it ain't daily. But still, there are times that I wish I had more of an visible presence in their lives so that we could talk and chill more often. I learned a lot of things the hard way. And I am still learning. But sometimes what we learn ain't necessarily even the right thing. Imagine a boxer learning the wrong stance. Or a shooting guard perfecting an awkward jumper. After hours and hours of practice, you've mastered the wrong shT. Won't that be some hard shT to un-learn? Word. Flip that to life and it's a mutha. And while I am far from a saint, there are plenty of ways where I could have benefitted from the shared presence of a few experienced souls and in turn, I could've shown them a thing or two. But for now, it'll just have to remain a lamet. Because unless I plan to uproot, having face-time of any substance just ain't happening. Unless I straight up order a kidnapping up in this piece. But then, wouldn't that just ruin the whole lesson?
Back to the drawing board, I guess.

So now, on to the tortured souls that Im not related to.

How do you maintain your sanity in a world where you have to act on behalf of the victimized when in fact your instincts compell you to mentally side with the offender? Are you less compassionate and show minimal empathy for someone knowing that the person that committed the crime was someone you used to work with before their innocence was lost. It's an odd proposition. On one hand, some muthafuqas need to get locked up. But conversely, seeing is believing, and being aware of all of the causal factors that lead to certain behaviors and lifestyless can cause somebody on the right side of the law to lose faith in the very system that has to balance the rights of good versus evil; offender versus victim; criminal versus citizen. It's a tough, tight, cramped space to be in and takes huge amount of guts and courage to stick it through. But some folks need to be on that side of the coin having been on the other side previously. Two wrongs don't make a right. But in the quest for redemption, the hope is in the healing. So, to that deer in the headlights in the cold world that is philly, keep ya head up, homie. We got you.

I would change the subject, too

A new week. A new lease on life. Well, maybe a new payment on my installment loan of life. Let me go ahead and "put something on it."

DP used an interesting and entertaining way to invoke repetition in a prepared speech at Boston Common earlier today. You can't front on crowd control and a clear message.

Hearing him took me back to the good ole days. I really should reconnect and get back down with Toastmasters. I've let that slack long enough.

I've been writing a little more as of late. Nothing great, but some promising ideas and sketches have developed in my head so maybe I'll get around to putting pen to paper one of these days and bang that out. Just some stuff that is more personal that I need to document for myself. Some will have to coincide with my next NYC trip. This may be my longest stretch of months having not visited. Definitely need to check on some people who otherwise are dead to the world unless I go hunt them down. And it's getting cold outside, so I need to holla at Amtrak, because the chinatown buses are not what's hot in the streets right now. Well, actually...

Also, I've found myself making more time for gym stuff aside from just playing ball. So that's always a good thing. But let's just say that playing 2-hand touch football is just as painful and sore-inducing than playing tackle. But my QB skills were not as on-point as they were last week. Yikes!

But I do still need to take a field trip and chill out for a little bit. And the Boogie Down Bronx does not count! Maybe Jax or the Chi. Catch a game, eat some grub, chill on the water. Yeah, that sounds about right.

The Disco fronted on me this weekend. The jury is still out on how bad it'll hurt the pockets once this week begins. But I'm saying, yo? How you gonna just randomly start tripping like that? Speaking of tripping, can someone please help RD find a job. This chick is tripping something hard. I swear she gonna have to start smoking some grass. How you gonna out-mellow me?! Some people...

Apparently, what started out as a focused post is now just a meandering rant about random idle chatter. It's almost like me talking to myself and I got a little too loud so a few people overhear me. Oh well. If you knew what I originally was going to write, you'd change the subject, too.

Brain games and names changed

Everyone came in the same chains
Caught with the same aim
-Def Jef (The West Coast Rap All-Stars), " We're All in the Same Gang"

The Louis D. Brown Peace Institute's new website went live yesterday at approximately 7:15 pm. lol

And apparently, Deval Patrick's camp is not as on-point as one would think. Naturally, he got caught out there with the violent offender stuff, but now are you really going to back-pedal so much that you end up fronting on the survivor community? Please don't play yourself, homie. Don't pull the same tricks and simply use them as a photo-op and quotable. Come correct with this one. As unfortunate as it is that the Institute is needed, it definitely has done more than its fair share of good in this city and around the country. Nuff respect is due. Let's hope this makeshift press conference scheduled for Saturday actually has some substance to it.

You can check out the Peace Institute's new site at www.louisdbrownpeaceinstitute.org and if you feel compelled to support, you can either volunteer your time or donate with your checkbook (or PayPal account).

And if you like what you see and need a site built or know someone who does, holla at the god.

when i start to hate me, it's time to pull the plug

so with a few brain cells now recovered, i recall why i used the hoodlum and juelz statements before.

For starters, some people understand me just fine, but others are all too amazed and shocked that I am not a nut-hugger when it comes to Jay-Z. He has his moments, but overall he just doesn't move me...at least not like he could. But again, those that get it, get it, and those that don't will continue to worship the ground he walks on. So anyways, son has some new jonts out on the block and much talk about his impenidng return. yawn. But I was intrigued by the recent controversy and backlash regarding his visit to Ghana and now-cancelled trip to China. And all that hype about the African water crisis tour a few months back and look what became of it. A damn shame.

My man Phonte of Little Brother wrote a brief braindump about why he is doing away with his alter-ego, Percy Miracles, after stumbling acros Ms. Peachez. He always brings it raw. And always makes some very insightful observations abut life in general.

And lastly, this video (alternate link) is quite intriguing; albeit disturbing as well. It will definitely raise some eyebrows, cause some laughs, and spur some uneasy questions. With a name like, Y'all Should Get Lynched, it begs for attention regardless of how much of the song you can stomach. But it did immediately cause me to think of the Pittsburgh preacher who used to wild out on callers to his cable access show. I'm not even certain the word hypocritical even fits here. Yet, I am still scratching my head for both of them.

Just 'cause i have hood tendencies, doesn't make me a hoodlum...

They think juelz santana is spittin a manuscript for life
-Miles Turner

somehow managed to draw a blank after coming up with a title. i did actually have a theme at some point, but lost track of time and my thoughts. oh well. a picture will just have to suffice.



ps: cold showers in the morning SUCK!

we made the front page of the city's website!

the school district's cable access programming started yesterday. thus, so did the unveiling of its official logo and brand identity. plus, we got mention in a press release from the mayor's office. hopefully, we can lure in some new clients on the strength of the free marketing. time to network while the blurb is still on the main city site...

got the figure-four on the kick, choke-holding the snare

the empty bottles is hollow, wind blowing inside 'em
the flow and the rhyming got my alignment to a science
-Hi-Tek ft Nas & Floetry, "Music For Life"

rock with me on this one. Hi-Tek's next jump-off will be just that, the ledge off of which you will jump into the deep abyss of musical delight.

juice from the streelight, it almost could've blowed us up

got me all choked up over here. this song is mellow, raw, dope, and very beautiful. it has serioulsy been on repeat all weekend something serious. the album (Hi-Teknology 2) isn't even out yet, but it's definitely going to have to get copped. you can't front on the realness. i love how you can never judge a book by its cover. cuz you end up fooling yourself guessing shT that ain't accurate. because hip-hop ain't dead, homie. never was. this music gives me hope. this music gives me strength. it brings a smile to my face on those days when simply waking up is a feat (and blessing) in itself.

through my bassline, i'm living through it.

you gotta believe.

I resent what inspires me

The struggle between apathy and irony
-Murs & Slug, "All I Can Do"

word. made me pause in my tracks for a bit. had me thinking if anything that inspires me also cause me to not like it as well. like umm yeah.

i am inspired by creativity. power. respect. progress. love. originality. passion. adaptability. confidence. tenacity. poise.

but do i resent those same traits? in a way, yes. when i lack them. or see when their need or presence would prove useful.

but anyways, the irony part is what really drew me in. because i received an interesting email today about some things going down at Wheelock College. I just found it timely given what I wrote a recently. But I won't front. I don't resent anything the benefits the Black male. I'm entitled to my personal bias. Nevertheless, like my homegirl M said, sometimes the best things happen by surprise. Start planning for Halloween now.

The Education of Black Male Youth Lecture Series
Responding to the Crisis Confronting Black Male Youth Crisis.

Marginalized. Endangered. These terms are used with increasing regularity to describe the plight of young Black males in the education system.

Wheelock College and the Delores Walker Johnson Center for Thoughtful Leadership at ATLAS Learning Communities are responding to the crisis confronting Black male youth with a series of public lectures, beginning October 18, to address the education of young black males. The series is being held in conjunction with a Principal Leadership Seminar Series.

• In Boston, there are 15,575 Black male students, approximately 24 percent, in the school system.
• Black students received 72 percent of the out of school suspensions, while White students received 7 percent.
• Black students accounted for 69 percent of classifications for “Emotional Disturbance”
  
• 53 percent of “Specific learning disabilities” while White students made up 13 percent and 18 percent of those so classified. (Schlott Foundation, 2004)
  

Please join us for these free lectures that will be held from 4 to 6 p.m. in the Lucy Wheelock Auditorium located at 180 The Riverway, Boston.

The music started in the hearts and drums, from another land

This is the music, that we give tribute to
They gave it to us, that's why we give it to you
The jazz music... the jazz music
-Gangstarr

The Beantown Jazz Festival was dope as usual. but next year, J4DA realy, really, really needs to be up in that piece yo. There should be no excuses. Anything else would be uncivilized. both dailies had an art-icle and i took some pictures. But it was a little different seeing how the Berklee machine got put in motion. And while it' snot necessarily a bad thing, it still leaves a faint resemblance to gentrification yet i can quite put my finger on it precisely. oh well. and apparently my man Cee-Lo is branching out, so I gotta show love and say, Suppport the Ecelctic Kitchen!

Shake the snakes, pimp the system

What Happened to the Revolt Black Athlete?

He traded in his Kufi for a New Era

maybe, just maybe he still lurks in the shadows quietly building momentum. maybe he shoots cops, ODs on pills, and borrows piss to pass drug tests in order to shield the man from his true intentions.

but what's that you say? you thought he said he was the man? nah, homie. completely different context. but maybe it's just fiction and all for naught. maybe he has retreated to the recesses of suburbia unwilling to risk life, limb, and liberty to speak out loud like jim brown roared and as tall as lew alcindor stood. maybe the vasectomy of the black male athlete is a parallel to the black male hero figure because they barely have their balls and their words left.

just like a Rochester customer
God blessed the mothers and younger brothers of hustlas
Cause she don't wanna sob at his wake
But he wanna follow in his steps, bend his hat, learn his shakes
Master his swagger in the bathroom mirror, cop a Chevy, steady mob in his place

rendered at a disadvantaged in a disproportionate number of circumstances yet unwilling to chalk up the gap to the status quo. he presses on. unrelenting in his quest for success, progress, and redemption. he knows of the sacrfice. he bears the marks of one hundred whip lashes across his neck and back as he shoves black gloves in his socks for insurance just in case he gets fronted on. just in case heads wasn't ready. because he grunts when he dunks and dances in end zones with a carefree zeal because he knows it is about more than just the score. the victory. the one-up. the come-up. much more than a snapshot of his life.

and they wonder why athletes became role models. they used to hold us down. idolization was fly because the idols were the flyest. yet the kufi is still there. he wears many hats. from fitteds to doo-rags and kangols and skully caps. he is the sheep in wolf's clothing.

With a different face from the one that he use to face his mama
If you look close, You'll see it consist of a smile that hurts, an ice grill, and a trace of trauma
-Lupe Fiasco, "Just Might Be Okay"

the snake, the rat, the cat, the dog

how you gonna see them if you're living in the fog?

i had tried to hit up a few of these Rappaport Institute seiminars in the past. will continue to try and do so. very interested in hearing what gets discussed at the power and interest groups in city politics one.

i ran across this interesting comment about the Stringer Bell chaaracter that made me think of this DMX's joint and my program. eloquence, insight, and perspective. yet very scary. and i am scared. shook even.

Stringer Bell was a genius who should have run a Fortune 500 company, but instead was trapped inside the twisted mind of a cold-hearted killer and a drug dealer who would have made Machiavelli proud. ...he was a walking, talking contradiction who represented the best and worst of the streets — a highly intelligent black man whose business acumen and leadership skills were employed in all the wrong places. Still, in a perversely misguided way, String was proof of the power of an educated and analytical mind. "

I am afraid that in some ways there is no hope for the Black male, although I know that is not true. I see so many brothers out there fighting the good fight just because. But then, on the flip side, I see how the reality of unequal exposure renders many Black youth unaware and out-of-touch with the realities of life. And not the realness of it. But the harsh realities of how fuqed up things will be if they don't pay attention to the seemingly minor, inconsequential, and basic shT that revolves around them. There is no media literacy going on in the hood. No critical thinking training. No capacity building. And minimal technology awareness and leadership development. everybody got a myspace jumpoff all tricked out, but no email accounts. no knowledge of basic HTML. no understanding of fundamental technology concepts. I had to teach yesterday and it pained me to see the obvious lack of critical thinking that was clearly evident in most of the group. Kinda reminded of when Mos Def said, "young bloods can't spell but they can rock you in PlayStation." It pains me to see AP classes devoid of youth that look like me. It troubles me when I beg and beg yet can only muster one Black male to participate in my program thus far this year, yet I swear I've hit up at least 200 of them personally on the street, at the NBCA parties i chaperoned, at the youth summit we had a booth at, and elsewhere throughout the city. I see all these smart tough guys with their chests puffed out, but when we start shooting the breeze, they open up like it's some flower blooming time shT.

Maybe I'm coming at it the wrong way? Is asking, 'do you like technology?' that much of a lame ice-breaker that everything else I say gets ignored? Are my young brothers truly just not intrerested whatsoever is learning about technology? Or is there simply a gap in what I trying to do and what they are feeling? I need a focus group or some shT. I was talking to one Career Specialist this week and she commented how odd it was when she found out that a teen had quit a job and asked would he rather not get paid to do nothing as opposed to getting paid and some experience; and he simply said I didn't really think about it. Is it that simple. Plain boredom or disinterest will turn off entire populations from topics that they could possibly like. Is there some underground groupthink going on that I'm not aware of? This shT is nuts, B. I am having a very, very difficult time convincing the Black, Latino, and Cape Verdean youth that I come in touch with to join the program and it is bothering me to no end. I did learn some japanese though. So I am thankful for that. But I fear my program will start to look like the AP and advanced technology classrooms that I visit - devoid of the diversity that depicts this city accurately. And that is not a good look. We need a muthafuqing intervention. Any ideas?

Why is it every move I make turn out to be a bad one?
Where's my guardian angel?
Need one. Wish I had one.
-DMX, "Damien"

Got to hustle from the bottom just to feed the poor

See the rich get, rich, the poor get poor
Jump up and grab the nina son you gotta get yours

so somehow, the rich really are getting rich. i recall reading a few weeks ago something about the richest people beeing even more rich because some had reinvested their wealth elsewhere and caked off after the dot-com bust and 9/11 had weakened some of their holdings. so now, Forbes is talking about the richest 400 Americans are ALL billionaires.

what.the.fuq. i cannot even fathom it.

We plantin seeds that don't grow back
While the black still shining like Kojak
You ain't never gave a shT, yo we OWNED that
Monopolize the whole game and control that

Five of the local colleges announced the Step Up partnership to work on improving the district's underperforming schools. Timing is everything, huh? Can I just say that The Wire has not let me down. So many hidden messages, double entrendes, and the like. From the way Marlo looked at son in the when he refused the loot and looked down but made eye contact when necessary. To the way the Senator would take anybody's money if they were giving it away. To the way Bubbles' intern was holding back the hustle. All a microcosm of hodds across America. Literally, no other television show has me so enraptured by it. Sitcoms are just on some funny shT, but this shT is real life. It may be a fictional drama, but do believe shT is parallel to life. Would you believ a fiht breaks out as I'm leaving one high school yesterday and then shots get busted neary this morning. Coincidence? Who knows. But I can see the same thign happening on the show. It's like a electric uncertainty that art is imitating life which is in turn imitating art. Like recidivism I guess. Which reminds me, I need to make that field trip to South Bay soon. ok, this Wire shT is gonna have to morph into their own separate posts. cuz now i'm rambling.

when the afterbirth disperse it's hard to persevere

Overshadowed in darkness where curiosity is my light
Fear it but very coherent that there's a fifty percent chance that I might
Not make it in spite of the fact, it's my life
And can't take it, knowin' that I'm losin' this fight
to contradiction
The love with the hatred inviting friction

Take these two YouTube video links at face value or get real deep into some pasychoanalysis shT with it. your choice.

"White and Nerdy"

"Fry That Chicken"

You be the jduge.

And if you have never heard of Organized Konfusion, please take an hour of your life to be mesmerized. Pharaoh Monche was (and still is) way before his time.

Inside this Temple of Doom we throw the womb
I bloom to be emitted in June, considered a coon
Livin' my life incomplete though
On the edge of destruction, in vitro

Shallow n!gga$ sink deep when there's sharks in the water

A dollar goes a long way from spending pennies
Might wind up broke surrounded by them gimme's
-Bronze Nazareth f/ Timbo King, "More Than Gold"

coincidentally, this post is very un-deep. actually, it is quite shallow and lacking in substance. but i'm not that "deep" in general. just me. so fuq it.

note to self: cop that Lupe joint. pronto

need to do: meet with financial advisor

want to do: go to car wash (with right card)

wishlist: an mp3 player or bazooka

mental note: set a date and commit to getting PMP certification

would be nice: a weekend getaway somewhere more than 1000 miles away

even nicer: somebody to roll with

for the hell of it: peform a piece this week an one of the open mic spots

would be really dope: if i ripped it off the dome without fuqing up

need to get: more toothpaste, some sleep, and a drink

glad: the first day of the after-school sessions is over

worried: that we have too many new people and nolt enough "veterans"

not worried: about making up for lost ground

still need to: find new clients willing to hire students

afraid: i might hunt the bus driver down and rash on him if he pulls the same dumb sht again

certain: i can restrain myself and continue to be non-violent

definitely: ready for the weekend

uncertain: about what i should buy

confident: i'll be aiight

word: to big bird. duh.

Y'all tellin me that I need to get out and vote, huh. Why?

I'm diggin through the ash tray, hopin to have a good day
-OutKast & Goodie Mob, "Git Up Git Out"

No matter how you cast your ballot, just do it. Like Chuck D said; Voting is as essential as washing your a$$ in the morning. Not exercising your rights is an indication of your content. And, the more and more I learn about how things have been working locally, the more incensed I am becoming with shT that just ain't right. The power of popular sovereignty must return. Keep it thoro.

And I can get funky like a high school locker room

I operate around the clock like city bus
Never take five, cause yo when you rest, you rust
-Big Daddy Kane, "Here Comes Kane, Scoob and Scrap"

So football season is in full gear. And one thing that I always noticed about Boston among my few gripes was that high school sports are a bit different than what I was accustomed to.

see, where i'm from friday night games were the shT. football and basketball. heads would be mad deep up in the stands. the band would be playing some ill current tunes. folks would be getting their grub on. fellas would be getting their holla game on. and sports cats would be deeply into every play of the game.

as for here, it just doesn't seem as intense. well, at least not for the city teams. i mean, there is definitely some competition up here but the overall vibe and culture is just so unlike what I knew football to be. actually sports in general. i will say that playoff basketball last season was pretty dope though. sports were definitely a needed outlet for many youth i came up with. and even then, they were not enough of a draw to keep some heads out of trouble. and i'm saying, yo, a 3pm game? are you serious?!

So what's the point? well, for one, speaking of trouble and sports, I just heard about the shooting in Pittsburgh. The coach and one of the players were at my alma mater last year, and I played ball a few times with money in some pick-up games. and yes, he will swat every other shot like clockwork. words acnnot begin to describe how long and slim son's arms are. But whatever, even if I didn't know them at all, it just sucks to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hope everyone has a speedy recovery and the shooter gets got.

and lastly, talked to my homie the R and he hipped me to the fact that he's helping out as an assistant coach for one of the football teams. Coincidentally, I ran into a teacher/coach I knew and we got to talking about the upcoming basketball season and his need for help. But I don't think I'm ready for all that. I just may have too much animosity still on reserve from my playing days to adequately coach. But if he wants to go Coach Carter on 'em, maybe I'll help with some algebra or something.

To flatter me your strategy gotta be more complex than chess

It's hard to face defeat
When you're raised in the street
No surrender and no retreat

Apparently, beef is back in vogue. The Game caught feelings from a song that Ras Kass did over a year ago. And he still can't hold Ras' jock-strap lyrically. These wack dudes kill me with their hype hallucinations. You are not that nice, B. There's beef in politics too. Current Lt. Governor Healey had some attack ad against Gabrieli, calling him a tycoon. Um, aren't you a millionaire yourself, miss thing? Plus, why are you even doing attacks ads when your opponent ain't even decided yet? Maybe she think she'll have a better chance against Patrick. Ha. I think it's actually the opposite. It's about to be Smash Squad up in this piece. Reilly is still swinging, but it's about to be a wrap.

Now dance with the devil, no, not hardly
Even though I mamba like La Bamba and smoke ganja like Bob Marley

Been out in local parks three days in a row enjoying the nice mild weather. Some outdoor kiddie festival, some ball playing, some jungle gym ish. And apparently, the midget prefers basketball to kickball, tennis to basketball, hopscotch to tennis, and walking up the slide (as opposed to sliding down it) to all of the above. Go figure. But riddle me this, Dana Barros. What's up with the lights not coming on as it starts to get dark? My jumper was in need of therapy after that episode.

A bag of sess puts me at my rest
You say it's silly, that's my theory
Get the philly and let it rest
-Showbiz & A.G., "Next Level"

Your tears frame the page my fate is outlined in chalk

Pardon the random thoughts
-Jean Grae, "Fade Out"

more random ramblings. imsomnia struck so who knows when i'll fall asleep. so fuq it, right?

NASA astronaut Stephanie Wilson came to town last week and was also honored in her hometown. i thought i had posted about her before but i guess not. oh well. kinda like the second coming of Mae Jemison. very inspiring.

Jigga's coming back. whoopee. yawn. next.

HBO is wack. business-wise. low-blow their best show and they wonder why it got rated low. because you did dumb shT to mess up the hype, homie. kinda like how loud records dropped the ball on several artists a few years back.

apparently, 53 people didn't realize that although it is fine to have a "hemp fest," you still cannot just outright ignore the drug laws and be all obvious with it. maybe they were too high to relize they were high in public. pause.

we've all heard rumblings of disgruntled workers who felt at some point like going upside the head of a co-worker. but straight stabbing one? a very literal and unfortunate example of when keeping it real goes wrong.

things are heating up in this town. we're about to have a brother from the south side running the state. and we very well could have a new face for state senator too. but the most promising news are all the behind the scenes discussions and shuffling to flip the script of the local political scene. i'm far removed from being an insider. but mark my works, heads will be rolling in less than 10 months. it's about to be on. new blood, new ideas, new faces, new focus. hopefully, new progress as well.

maybe i should just go write some poetry. haven't been doing that lately. need a theme though. my thoughts are way too scattered right now. but i do like the li'l sporadic usage of bold text though. might have to play with that more. why i find that interesting beats me. konichiwa, b!tches.

duh duh duh man

They call it the Enterprise Room, man, because it's for people who wanna be beamed up to Scotty.
-Pooky

some twilight ramblings....

whose bright idea was it to name the Roxbury Boys & Girls Club after the Yawkeys? yeah they gave money, but im saying though. yet, on top of that, why am i not too thrilled that the elected officials of color sent a letter about it. let's hope they make their point known and move on. because there are plenty of other things to which they could be devoting their time.

late wed night, another 17-year-old lost his life just barely more than 48 hours after hundreds of marchers walked down the same street in hopes of spreading the power of peace. kinda makes the whole marching concept take a new spin.

summer was dumb short, yet apparently it was one of the warmest summers in 60+ years. who'd a thunk it? it was a blur anyways. mostly work.

since when did boston become broadway junior. there are at least five plays going on at this very moment. and those are just the ones with subjects that interest me (read: black people themes and characters). i'm kinda feeling it.

apparently, some more of my students won the adams scholarship for their ill math skills. very dope. yet i'm interested in knowing what the actual attrition is for these scholars and whether many of them actually take up the offer.

how in the hell do you die from west nile in new england? i just don't get it.

look Ma, no shoelaces

The midget's first day of real school was Tuesday of this week. Tried to get all the requisite ducks in a row to have him adequately prepared and ready to hit the ground running. Even woke up mad early. But alas, the one thing I didn't expect to happen in fact did go down. He was shook.

All the other mini-me's were seemingly cool. But no...ole boy wasn't feeling the new environs. Who are all these people in yellow shirts. The look on his face was classic. You could tell he was building up towards something. What; I wasn't sure. Thought he'd be all set once he sat at his desk and started being busy. But homie was having none of that. In retrospect, it was pure comedy. But at the time, it was a bit gut-wrenching. But so goes life. All in all, he finally calmed his nerves and did ok on his first day.

Now it's time for him to be immersed in a full day of learning, activities, games, other children, and speech therapy to help build upon his foundational skills and improve his weaknesses, namely in his enunciation. So hopefully we'll be able to continue practicing and puting to good use some of the materials and resources I've been collecting. Time will tell. But for now, I'll just sit back and enjoy the newness of it all.

and since kindergarten I acquired the knowledge
and after twelve grade I went straight to college
-Run DMC & CL Smooth, "Down With The King"

Too hard for MTV, not black enough for BET, just let me be

If I knew heaven had a ghetto that was sweeter than here
You know the P would pack his bag and just leave next year

The HT3 Fund Peace rally, march, and vigil was great. It was a big turnout and the vibe was electric. You could feel the energy. The auditorium was jam-packed with people from all walks of life there for a common cause. The speakers were moving and the crowd eager to hit the streets. The energy on the streets however, went up a notch. People were shouting at the top of their lungs with vigor, gridlocked cars were honking their horns in support of the walkers, and mad folks were hanging on windowsills or coming out the woodworks to see what all the ruckus was about. It ended with a solemn candlelight vigil and plenty of hugs.

I am blessed to have come in contact recently with a group of people whom I had not met before, but I realize are the true angels helping to heal this city. They don't all even roll in the same click, just from different aspects of life but all converging through the work that they do. It is very admirable, honorable, and worthy of the utmost respect. I am constantly in awe of their strength, generosity, and willpower. Kinda makes my fleeting moments of high self-esteem seem null and void in their presence.

But...and this is where I'm going off on a tangent. I'm getting tired of walking for peace. It's not that I no longer believe in the cause. But like the devil's advocate that lurks in the nooks and crannies, after all the marching, then what? We been marching since way back when and still ain't reach a destiation? C'mon, son. Can't be. It does at time feel like it's just preaching to the choir. The people that need to be hearing the message ain't the ones in within earshot. The ones who should be walking ain't around the way when we stroll through. In essence, the causes are different, but the struggle is still the same. Same shT; different stall. But like Danielle Scott so eloquently quipped, "Fuq the Struggle." Sounds harsh, but she breaks it down on some real shT about how sometimes folks embrace having to struggle more than the progress. And that, is a whole 'notha state of mind that I am far from being an intellectual incubator for making much discussion of the pros and cons. I do know that without struggle there is no progress. Yet, in many ways, like the various things in life we use as crutches to get by, just getting by has become a way of life in itself as opposed to getting ahead, getting over, and simply being.

Never too young to die or too old to live
Ain't it hard to bust your gun, go home and mold your kid
-The LOX, "Recognize"

Got 'em scared to drop like soap in jail

Poker faces with the aces under
Face one up, to take over, the break's over

The passing of the 9/11 tragedy's anniversary led me to recall an article I read a few weeks ago aroudn the time of the Hurricane Katrina anniversary about a computer game for real-life crises. It paints an interesting case study of the potential benefits of a private-public partnership that is for the greater good. In this case,

...game developer BreakAway Games Ltd. released the final version of Incident Commander free of charge to municipal emergency departments, part of an agreement with the Justice Department, which invested $350,000 in game development. BreakAway Games put in the remaining $1.5 million toward the development. Most cities do not have the budget for real-world emergency exercises..

But much like how we try to match students up with real-world projects and job opportunities that mirror the real-world as much as possible, it's still a crapshoot. You win some and you lose some. But practice sure does help. So now, the school district is moving forward with plans to create a TV station, which had its logo designed by one ours. I had the chance to visit a school-based TV production set today and on one hand, it was amazing to see what they had. Yet, to know right off the bat that all those VHS-based gadgets on the shelves must be outdated in some way made it quite clear that even when you're one step ahead of the game, someone else is up ahead of you and may have even 'lapped' you a few times just for safe measure.

But then, I recall a meeting in the subrubs about two weeks ago when game development came up as a novel approach to get more students interested and enticed into the IT field. A fundamental understanding of basic programming concepts will be essential to any techie of substance in the future and regardless of what any standardized test may say, that shT ain't just common knowledge. And it damn sure ain't being taught across the board. So we're trying to think of other new ways of approaching old topics and unique topics that have an immediate 'gotcha' factor to lure otherwise disinterested and unengaged teens. First test: The Mayor's Youth Summit this Friday.

We celebrate this, while you sitting back screaming you hate this
-Team ROC, "Celebration"

Word...this is in memory of...

Thought about taking a moment of silence and skipping today, but decided against it. No long recollection of where I was and what I was doing that fateful morning five years ago. Just a solemn note of acknowledgement. It pains me to see how some people can be blinded by causes that lead to such destruction and disregard for life and morality. Or is it mortality? Nonetheless, terrorism is still alive and not just in the form of religious extremists.

So this afternoon, there is a Peace March in Grove Hall. It is being put on by the HT3Fund, created in memory of another youth who lost his life this past summer. And for some eerie reason, I'm afraid when I get there I'm gonna realize that I do in fact know his sister because her name sounds way too familiar. But anyways, it is a movement described as a "citywide invitation to help bring peace and solidarity back to our communities." And though we have too many such things, they exist for a reason.

It starts at the Freedom House and will follow this route. There will be a rally, the march, and then a closing vigil. Plus, I haven't been visiting the Freedom House much since I used to work there back in the day. So it'll be good to reconnect. Therapy comes in all shapes and sizes. I just want to go to offer a hug to anyone who needs one.

To those who passed out there, in the deserts and the jungles
with pain on their shoulders, and heavy bundles
I pray each one will, ascend to new heights and new enlightenment
And this is why I'm writin it
Yeah... this is in memory of
-Gangstarr, "In Memory Of..."

So I'm not trying to discount the importance of the 9/11 anniversary, but I think this event makes a compelling connection between the melting pot mayhem that is symbolic of terrorism, failed policies, institutional neglect, and utter ignorance. So for sister AA wherever you are, I know your pops is heavy on your mind today, and you are on mine. Peace be with you.