Ended up in Target tonight with sis and saw a kid and his pops in there shopping for clothes. They were probably there for some back-to-school gear, but I immediately had a sever case of 'deja vu like a muthafuqa.'
what is done is done
what is not done is not done
let it go...like the wind
To make long story short and quite impersonal; POPS grew up down south, while POPS' pops lived in NYC. So anyways, I looked at the two of them and saw my own reflection. Naturally, I was usually a little heftier than this kid, but still you get the gist of it. Speaking of heft, do they make boy clothing in size HUSKY anymore?
The midget hasn't reached that stage yet, but I always had this feling in the back of my head that it was some cruel joke that I wasn't in on the punchline. Nevertheless, seeing the two of them made me think about fatherhood and what it meant to me then, as I got older, and now that the roles have evolved to the point where I'm the father. And speaking of which, I value that father term dearly, but time will only tell how life's deck of cards will eventually play out. I want to remain a father. I don't want to just be a daddy. Maybe that thinking only makes sense to me becuase it ain't that clear cut, but I'll leave it in God's hands and hope to be able to do right by the midget and his moms no matter the weather. Because I damn sure don't have any intentions of disappearing, regardless of circumstance (plus I wouldn't want to be known as simply a 'donor'). And for some reason I have the urge to call my pops right now but I'm resisting. I've resisted for long time now. I think I'll give in eventually. We've only had but a few in-depth talks about life and real shT so maybe we're due for another. Another decade has passed. Maybe I'm completely over my chldhood and we can finally move on, huh? Maybe...we'll see. It's odd how I can freely tell someone else to heed Sonia Sanchez' words (above), but can't swallow the pill myself in one gulp. Fuq it...time to schedule a field trip. If only the wind would come scoop my a$$ up and give me a quick ride down there. Now, wouldn't
that be the shT?!
The midget hasn't reached that stage yet, but I always had this feling in the back of my head that it was some cruel joke that I wasn't in on the punchline. Nevertheless, seeing the two of them made me think about fatherhood and what it meant to me then, as I got older, and now that the roles have evolved to the point where I'm the father. And speaking of which, I value that father term dearly, but time will only tell how life's deck of cards will eventually play out. I want to remain a father. I don't want to just be a daddy. Maybe that thinking only makes sense to me becuase it ain't that clear cut, but I'll leave it in God's hands and hope to be able to do right by the midget and his moms no matter the weather. Because I damn sure don't have any intentions of disappearing, regardless of circumstance (plus I wouldn't want to be known as simply a 'donor'). And for some reason I have the urge to call my pops right now but I'm resisting. I've resisted for long time now. I think I'll give in eventually. We've only had but a few in-depth talks about life and real shT so maybe we're due for another. Another decade has passed. Maybe I'm completely over my chldhood and we can finally move on, huh? Maybe...we'll see. It's odd how I can freely tell someone else to heed Sonia Sanchez' words (above), but can't swallow the pill myself in one gulp. Fuq it...time to schedule a field trip. If only the wind would come scoop my a$$ up and give me a quick ride down there. Now, wouldn't that be the shT?!
6 comments:
i am finding more and more that although there are some things you can't change and will repeat themselves, there is a certain joy when you know you can make things right this time.
I know where you're coming from and I know that time does NOT heal all wounds. I strongly believe that forgiveness is the first step in breaking the potential cycle.
>do they make boy clothing in size HUSKY anymore?
Yes, even more so now.
maybe i was just frustrated when i wrote that. i guess it really ain't that bad so maybe i embellished it a bit too much. but regardless, i think i'll try to do some 'bonding' on Monday.
You are so brave and strong to consider staying in touch with your dad. There are whole sections of my family that I grew up with that I havent seen in over ten years because I dont really speak to my father. I see you with Mr. Midget and I just want to cry because I can tell you really love eachother. Im sure you will continue to be in eachothers lives forever.
mR mIDGET? COMEDY...thanks folks for the kind words though
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