Fortified Emotions

I am the first of the last and last of the solemn
Hitherforth known as the muthafuqa who came up from the bottom

Drenched in puddles of sweat for the years of my toil
I get gassed when I make some cold-blooded b!tches veins boil

I soiled my life's plan for a whim in search of greener pastures

Although in hindsight it enraptures my mind
cuz it never really about being on the same playing field.

They say all's fair in love and war
yet i'm still adrift with just my words and my bond
never fond of fighting when there ain't shT to be fighting for
Take the highs with the lows in stride and move on

i am that neo-negro without the open-toes
yet when the valves are closed
i bare my soul infrequently
cuz I ain't gonna let you just tamper with my ticker

I suppose I could just start anew and wish upon a star
but all this next lifetime shT be getting to my head, son
Moons and flying comets by flickering in my daydreams

So, I...in turn, internalize all of the collective faults that
have hindered me in my past and get all textbook wit 'em

put 'em down on perforated pages or wherever i can fit 'em
and humble myself with the pralysis of analysis

try to take those managerial anecdotes from the working world
and assess which ones are poised to clash with my mind's view of who I am

Cuz for all of my aloffness, I guess there's really only one recourse

Maybe I should just take a dive into the deep abysss of apathy
Let life walk by and stop trying to try

Hell, my CORI showed that I caught a felony charge for callous disinterest a few years back
And got diagnosed with a case of detached nonchalance more recently

I was conflicted

Do I want shorty with the Galant?
Or the one who brought balance to my scales
Accord to my discontent
Objectivity to my ego

Because what looks like crazy on an ordinary day
Is simply me just trying to open up
I got some shT bottled up rarely seen in its raw form
My heart bleeds chameleon green
Not really crushed by burden or broken in spirit

But I can airmail blown kisses to you in the wind for days
Though it still won't do sht for me
So I'll resort to a ritual a sedated solitude
Planning the next move
Hoping I can have just one more chance
to show you i can love you how you want to be loved

Cuz I heard birds chirp louder when they know you have butterflies