i'm maintaining without mantanning

"People pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it very simply; by the lives they lead."
-James A. Baldwin

Apparently, i have 1,928,877, 245 seconds to live beacuse I am scheduled to die on Thursday, July 19th, 2068. That is, of course, according to deathclock. But that sure does beat some of the previous estimates I once believed. It's a wonder what self-esteem can do for a kid. Believe it or not, there used to be a point in time where I didn't think I'd live to see my 21st birthday. It was a persistent fear that hovered over me constantly like the grim reaper with a Champion hoodie and a beeper kept checking up on me every other week. But I never felt as though I was ever destined for success. And I do not consider myself in any way successful right now. It's just a matter of comfort. Material possessions are a little easier to obtain nowadays. And I've never been a fan of paying to go out. But every few weeks or so, I stumble upon life's brick wall of humility and chip my tooth while trying to take a bite out of reality.

So this is just my way of putting some thoughts down once again to keep my mind stimulated, my hopes high, and my energy focused. I come across people of all walks of life on an almost daily basis that offer me a brief, small glimmer into their respective lives. But as a collective, they allow me to see the world through their eyes like the kaleidoscope of potential and promise that it should be. And the reflection is eternal because the mirrors through which i gaze help me to stay grounded as best I can and reinforce the need for me to live up to the promises that I've made and the potential and promise that I pledge not to waste. I've done my share of dumb sT in life. Some of which the world will never hear about. And I will probably do some more though not-as-dumb ish. So I write this as I continue to do what I can for those that can use my help; especally the youth of America and in particular the young black males like me who get typecasted as destined for failure when in fact they just need somebody to hold them down and help steer them in the right direction. Somebody did it for me and I think I turned out aiight. It's only right that I try to do the same. Only when I've done all that I can, can I truly rest in peace.