Sleep with half closed eyelids

"Some say it's strange
Sometimes that's how strange life gets"
-Mobb Deep f/ Nas, "It's Mine"

Yesterday, I had it in my mind to write about some reflections I had during a long drive along I-95. It had planned to talk about my thoughts on open communication. Alas, I fell into the usual rut.

"The streets raised me crazy, now I'm immune to it
So when they start shooting, we don't stop the music"

The Fourth of July weekend of 2008. Another bloody weekend in the Bean. Another high school students gunned down. Another cookout gone AWOL. Another young man from Roxbury slayed in front of his crib. I write this in my crib on a lazy Sunday morning as the midget looks over my shoulder and I struggle to contain my worry. Struggle to contain my fear. Struggle to contain my outrage. It is a justifiable outrage; one that could see me straight-up lose my composure. But it is also an outrage that scares even myself. I can see myself saying and doing things that could have their out dangerous results. I that's not something I'm willing to sacrifice just yet. I gotta hold him down. I want a fulfilling family life. I want picket fences and shT. Yet, I want to live in peace. I want to live in Roxbury. I want to embrace the beauty of the Black experience. I want to do my part to make a difference without losing any of the safety or security to which I should be entitled. And I say entitled because it is a right that should be preserved. If only I can preserve my sanity first.

These bullets bear no names
No senders to whom they are addressed
We professed to be upwardly mobile
But these biscuits will burn your flesh
Have your breaths at slackened paces
We are the dark-skinned faces of death
Grim facial features cast doubts over those we reap
Can't you feel the pain seeping through my pores?

According to the papers, the two young men who were recently slain both aspired to be engineers. My NSBE peoples just let out a collective sigh. Keep doing what you do. But if you can do more, please do. We cannot let these n!ggas completely take over. Stay up.