It's like I'm fighting for freedom, writing for freedom

Like in the ghetto photo wit one n!gga in the chair
Holdin liquor in despair, gang signs in the air
I shine in spaces where time is just a glare

I went to a church Wednesday night. It wasn't for an actual church service but for a community meeting to address a lot of the despair, destruction, and death that has ravaged Boston - mostly its Black neighborhoods. It's not even a regular looking church either. It seems as if it used to be a supermarket building or something. But anyways...as non-religious as I pretend to be, I do get deeply motivated by some semblance of sprirituality. I will readily admit that my greatest fear is death. It does not consume my being, but its ever present and all-eoncompassing finality haunts me to no end. Plus, as I mentioned in the Christmas Eve posts, I won't front like I'm immune and unaware of what surrounds me. I don't do suburbs. But I need to do more. But sometimes I get annoyed with myself for saying it without really putting much actions behind those words. So there's another resolution to add to the list. Do more.

Street ministry, my poetry's a penitentiary, track is visitation
Sentences is life, I'm like chief up in this demonstration

If I don't more, who am I to complain. If I don't rep like I could/should, who am i to raise a son. If I don't speak up, speak out, and reach out to those willing and unwilling to listen, who am I to claim to be worthy of my quasi-comfortable lifestyle. More brothers are literally falling prey in this city of mine where violence pervades teens' lives and less than half of the high school's use metal detectors. So back to the community meeting. I signed up to do my part. We'll see what the follow-up will be. There were a lot of people there, many of whom I am certain are each doing their part to help and be part of the solution. But there's also a part of me that is skeptical of some people's intentions. Like Antonio Ansaldi for instance. That ain't even his last name, but I ain't even trying to go there right now. He was one of the main Stop Snitchin vendors, but no he's about to start selling shirts that say Start Peace on them. I like the concept a lot. I just hope his heat is truly in it. And yes...this would be the same Antonio..twice thou...form RSO...made me...benzino's homie. Yeah...ummm...skeptical like a muthafuq.

My ancestors, when I'm writin I see 'em, and talk wit 'em
Hoping in the promised land I can walk wit 'em
-Common, "1-9-9-9"

My family is unqiue in that is is very, very large and extended. I'm known as the person who tries to act as the glue that keeps a lot of the disparate sects in touch with each other. Actually, there's a lot of people I'm related to that are not related to each other, but just go with the flow becuase the bond is tight like that. Anyways, I am fortunate enough to have three great-grandmothers wtill alive. Two of them are big-time travelers and once again, all of them will be in the same city in two weeks. As much as I don't want to mention it, I won't get many more chances to try and get them all together for one picture with the midget. I truly love taking pictures, but there is something about an intergenerational photograph of three of your great-great-grandmothers that should go a long way to fostering a sense of identify unmatched by what any other momento can do for the midget as he grows up. So that is my goal. My moms is having her annual post-holiday party on Jan 7th and I'll be home that weekend to do some eating, some chillin, some eating, some partying, some reminiscing, some bonding, some eating, some hugging, and some picture-taking. I miss home at times. Going back keeps me grounded and reminds me of why I'm here. To represent for my peoples.